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Michael Jackson Justice: Week 1 of August - Michael's 5th week gone

God: Reconnect to Him

The Conspiracy against God is about "The Word", and the profaning of His Holy Name within us. Adam fell in the garden, breaking the direct connection to God. Jesus, the "last Adam" was a quickening Spirit, the Word made Flesh, and the only one with whom we can re-establish our relationship with God. Michael's story is still unfolding. He is the one who is, is not. But Jesus is the only name given under heaven by which we must be saved. Many are trying to rewrite HIStory. We were given a help to instruct us. Learn more "here".

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Week 1 of August - Michael's 5th week gone


Week 1 of August – 01-23-2010

Since I was unemployed, I had all day to do my investigations. My husband had no idea at first. I was driven. I went back and watched interviews again and took notes. It wasn’t until later that week that I thought to start writing everything down and keeping notes on my thoughts.

Watching interviews again, all I could think was that this was another child being abused. He was being abused, ridiculed and mocked. The wounds were real. You could see the results in his face . . . in his eyes. He wasn’t a child of course, but his demeanor reminded me of a child that did not understand why people were attacking him. It was heart breaking.

I found in many of the interviews, Michael talking about children. Why he loved them. Why he related to them better than he did adults. It made sense to me. Children aren’t usually looking at what you can do for them. They just want to be loved. Children didn’t treat him differently. Children didn’t deceive him to get what they wanted, they didn’t manipulate (he’s never met my boys, but I digress . . .) they didn’t expect anything. Michael felt safe around them. Michael never really got out in the world, even though he was all over it many times. He was forever that child on stage, looking for love from an audience he has been in front of since the age of five.

One video I found was of Michael during a deposition concerning the 1993 case (taken in 1996, when they were still trying to pin that on him). At the end of the video, Michael was explaining something he had written down on a piece of paper. They were notes he had taken of an interview he was scheduled to do, to as he said, “set the record straight”. He was talking about Jesus and what he said to his disciples about children and to come to Jesus as children. Michael explained how he was raised to be like that and to imitate that. Explaining this to a lawyer is like trying to explain to the wolf that Goldilocks was trying to take care of her grandmother . . . he didn’t CARE. His job was to bury Michael.

I went back over all the interviews and sure enough, these pleadings from Michael were in just about every single one of them. He talked about Jesus in Oprah’s interview, the 1996 deposition, the Diane Sawyer Interview, Geraldo, Bashir (a number of times), Walters, and the saddest one of them all, the 60 Minutes interview with Bradley. The very interview immediately after he was arrested for the second child misconduct accusation (I don’t like typing or saying the other word, it’s ugly).

I focused on the 60 minute interview, because it was one of the last full length, televised interviews from him about his personal struggles. He granted no more after that, unless it was on music only. The 60 minutes interview. It was also the most painful of all of them to watch. Here, I could see a man’s spirit in the throes of death. I could almost see the struggle in his eyes to hold onto the last bit of light in them that he could keep a hold of. I could see a struggle not to give up. I took one day to go over and over this video. I watched his eyes, his facial expressions, his hand and body movements, even listening to his voice. Not once did I go through a whole complete minute without tears. I never felt so much anguish for another human being in all my life.

One thing that hit me was when Bradley asked Michael about his complaint of the treatment he received when he was arrested. They showed the pictures of the bruising on his wrists. Michael talked about being locked in a bathroom that was covered in human feces for 45 minutes. The look on his face when he described this actually scared ME. I don’t know why, but I got the feeling that something else happened that he didn’t want to tell. Being in a filthy bathroom is not that scary. Michael was terrified talking about it.

The second place of rest and replay I came to on that interview was when Bradley asked Michael about children sleeping in his bed. Michael said more than once that he slept on the floor, but even if he DID sleep in the bed it was okay. He chastised Bradley for thinking “sex”. Even after the second hell he had to go through, Michael still did not understand what people saw as wrong. I began to understand that it was because that is not where Michael’s head was. It was a slumber party. It was a camping trip in a bedroom with movies, popcorn, pillow fights and no “mom” to tell them to keep the noise down.

I was starting to get it. What happened next started my waterworks again.
Bradley asked Michael if, looking back now, if he would continue to host children at his ranch or do things differently. My heart broke at Michael’s answer and I will remember it for the rest of my life:

With his head down, eyes downcast, he then looked up like a wounded animal pleading with his trapper, “I will never stop helping and loving people the way Jesus said to . . .”

I stopped the video. I couldn’t see it anyway. Before I even realized I was crying, tears were dripping down my cheeks and landing on my desk calendar and keyboard. My God. I dare anyone to watch this segment of the interview and not have the same reaction.

I made room on my desk. I just sat there with my elbows on the desk, head resting in my hands and I just let it go. Many thoughts ran through my head as I cried. I thought of all the things I ever complained about. How bad I thought I had it at times. How selfish I’d been. How closed off I made myself to others in the name of self-preservation.

When we are children, before the world does things to us, our hearts are open. We are open to others, gladly accepting of differences. We’re not worried about what we look like, or what people will think of us. We don’t care about Gucci or Aigner or Coach or Georgio. Children have none of the trappings of adulthood that keep them from creating, thinking, discovering, questioning and enjoying openly the things before them in life.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we become jaded, guarded, censored, burdened, self-absorbed. Everything the world does to us we carry around and our souls are dragging it on the ground, lest we forget the lesson a hardship taught us.

Michael never really became a part of the adult world. He performed in it. He could see the results of it, but he never really got to experience it. His extreme fame and the length of his career pretty much protected him from all that. But he saw it. His hand was out with his heart in it, telling us, “Look! This is me . . . It’s not that complicated.” Very few of us could do that. He had that courage to do that.

One of the biggest things we lose when we grow up is trust. Love follows closely behind. Love gets redefined for us as something obligatory . . . something another expects of you when they say the word. Love gets turned into something less than wholesome . . . dirty. And trust turns into something that is earned and not freely given. You are taught that to be trusting is to be naïve, idealistic and society doesn’t want that. They want smart, hardened, controlled adults. Society wants to be the dictator not only of what we do, but who we are to become.

Michael was right. Jesus spoke about coming to him as children. I was starting to understand something that throughout my whole Christian life thought I understood, when I really did not.

In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said to let the children come and do not turn them away, for such is the Kingdom of Heaven. It says the same thing in Mark 10:14, and in Luke 18:16, and John 13:33 he refers to his disciples as “little children”. In Matthew 11:19 it talks about the wisdom of children, Jesus called a child to him in Matthew 18:2, and in Matthew 18:3, I paused and re-read that a number of times. “Converted and become as little children” . . . to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I linked these so please read them.

I continued on the video. Some time past Michael’s heart wrenching declaration to help and love people, I heard him try to explain to Bradley that he meant “not child-ISH, child-LIKE”. I got it. I got it and I was overwhelmed with what Michael just made me understand. I finally, after all these years, understood everything . . . Michael, yes, but also I understood myself and where I failed in my relationship with God. Come as children . . . without the adult baggage.

How do you dump everything the world has heaped on you and become as a child again?

At this moment, learning more about Michael was not just about defending him to some casual friend on my Facebook page. I was on the cusp of understanding. I was so in awe of what I had just learned, there was no way I could put Michael down. Yes, defending him was important . . . but this was so much bigger than that. I understood at that moment why Michael was here. Why I was here . . . what our purpose was.

It wasn't about the music at all. Music was what God gave this man to get him out in front of so many people. It was the message that was to be delivered once they were gathered, that was the purpose. And so began my journey of discovery.

I was also just starting to begin to understand the pattern of what they did to Michael, the strong resemblance to what was done to Christ, and why the viciousness of the rabid attacks on Michael Joseph Jackson.

Michael had just shown me what the true and untarnished meaning of the word "Love" was. He was leading us to it the whole time. His whole life was a testimony. And I was about to follow the road.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for your beautiful words. I felt and still feel the same. What did we (the world) do to this wonderful soul, this genuine human being, the unconditioned eternal child?

    Although I am a 51 year old jurist=lawyer (a rather left brainer with quite some responsibilities, leadershipwise) I could and I still can not help myself but cry my eyes out once in a while reflecting on MJ`s being here with us ...

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  2. Bonnie, I've just discovered your blog and am proceeding to read through it. That will take some time. I'm sure I'll be glad I read it all.

    In my research I never know where I'll be taken. Thankfully, I understood within months of Michael's passing that I HAD to be willing and obedient in the unexpected journey Michael was taking me on. Discounting my role as mother, it continues to be the most amazing, instructive, joy-filled, pain-wracking blessing of my entire life.

    In this blog entry, you mention a video you watched where Michael was trying to explain some things he'd written on a piece of paper. This sounds to me like the "Mexico Deposition". Taken in November 1993, the deposition itself was centered around a copyright infringement suit filed against Michael and was almost literally the last thing Michael did before cancelling the remainder of his Dangerous Tour and admitting himself to a clinic for treatment of his dependence on prescription pain medication, which developed as he struggled with the '93 false allegation.

    Also, you've mentioned Michael's 1993 trial. Just as clarification, there was no trial for the 1993 allegation. Two Grand Juries declined to charge Michael, based on lack of incriminating evidence, and the "accuser", Jordan Chandler, refused to testify against Michael. Michael's only trial for alleged misconduct to a child was in 2005, following his November 2003 arrest based on the accusation of Gavin Arvizo.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Rosalynn,

      Wow. You have a lot of reading ahead of you. Did you just start researching recently or has this been with you too since he passed in June of 2009?

      There was a Mexico deposition, but the deposition I talk about in this blog entry was actually the 1996 deposition in regard to Macculay Culkin, Bret Barns and Wade Robson. Even though this was after Michael's people talked Michael into settling, Sneddon was still trying to pin something on him.

      I don't believe I said 1993 trial, I think I said 1993 CASE. I know there was no trial in 1993, it never got that far, but there were two grand juries and neither would indict him as you said. Also I will tell you that I was so clueless as to Michael's history (because although I did like his music and knew he was a "good person", I was not a fan and did not follow his life) in the very beginning, before I started this blog I had to research to learn that the 1993 allegations and the 2003 allegations/trial were NOT the same accusers. So as you are reading this, try to understand that I was learning as I went and taking people on the journey with me as I researched Michael to defend him.

      God Bless you♥

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