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Michael Jackson Justice: February 2010

God: Reconnect to Him

The Conspiracy against God is about "The Word", and the profaning of His Holy Name within us. Adam fell in the garden, breaking the direct connection to God. Jesus, the "last Adam" was a quickening Spirit, the Word made Flesh, and the only one with whom we can re-establish our relationship with God. Michael's story is still unfolding. He is the one who is, is not. But Jesus is the only name given under heaven by which we must be saved. Many are trying to rewrite HIStory. We were given a help to instruct us. Learn more "here".

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Tangled Webs of Relationships – February 28th, 2010

Tangled Webs of Relationships


Will these words come back to haunt John Branca?

This is the headline I saw on an article concerning the Sony/ATV catalog in one of the first searches I pulled up on this topic.

One of the most beautiful things about Michael Jackson was his childlike trust and enthusiasm. Unfortunately trust can be manipulated . . . so can money, finances, contracts and human beings.

I never understood how someone as good as Michael could attract such loathsome personalities. What happened to some people when they got close to Michael? I read one article where a friend described the situation around Michael as being surrounded by people who fought to be near him.

None of those relationships was about friendship, it was about control. These people didn’t want to be his friend, they wanted to possess and control him. What I learn as I get deeper into this is frightening. Imagine what it was like for Michael.

Imagine trying to revive a career that a vengeful parent and the press tried to destroy, while at the same time having to field accusations about your business associates by another business associate. Living isolated while not knowing if you could trust even the people that were keeping you isolated.

Michael Jackson was SMART to be paranoid. He HAD to be to survive as long as he did.
How did someone like Michael get tangled up with the likes of mob-like heavies?

Tommy Mattola was running Sony Music when disagreements on artistic creation brought to the surface the underlying conspiracy to gain control of Michael’s 50% share of Sony’s music catalog, growing in value at that time into the nine digits. This is when the trouble with the invincible album. Sony’s lack of promoting it begged the question of Sony deliberately sabotaging an album they produced, to bring down an artist in an effort to gain control of his holdings and music rights.

If it is true that Mottola, along with others worked to set up Jackson to bring him down, would they go as far as cavorting with those closest to Michael? Including those now running the MJ estate?

Is your head spinning yet? Remember what I said about D.C. in my previous blog update? People aren’t even bothering to cover this up anymore . . . I guess murder for money is okay now. Whoa! All you need is a suit and a tie and a couple of other friends to go along with you wearing a suit and a tie!

How is it that someone as big as Michael Jackson can be swept under the rug of justice? How is it possible that such blatant errors in covering up their tracks go without the media picking up and running with it? I mean, It’s Michael Jackson for crying out loud! He was murdered! Where is the news coverage of all these shady characters?

Why did Branca not take heed to Jackson's request to turn over all documents when he was fired? Branca was demanded to resign of his duties by Michael Jackson back in 2003! Hand delivered letter here!

Michael Jackson Terminated John Branca because of Embezzlement. In 2003, Michael Jackson launched an investigation into Branca’s embezzlement activities regarding his money along with Tommy Mattola.

The investigators, the firm of Interfor in New York, reported in February, March, and with a final report on April 15, 2003, there was an improper relationship between Tommy Mattola and John Branca whereby Branca and Matolla were illegally funneling Michael Jackson’s money to off-shore accounts in the Caribbean. This was used in Michael’s 2005 trial for child misconduct. Apparently Mesereau knew something then and so did Michael.

The story behind Sony’s “lifeline” to Michael in 2006, when they agree to loan Michael money using half of his share of the ATV catalog as collateral.

John McClain and John Branca, executors of Michael Jackson’s estate and 5% owners of the Sony/ATV catalog are also executive producers of “This is it.” Look at the other names on here. This is a listing of the producers and credits for “This is It.” Interesting! Now we know who is shaking who’s hands.
Could criminals who wear ties really be this stupid???

Wow. And they wonder why people think there was a conspiracy to kill Michael.
Where is the justice Mr. Oxman? Where are the arrests, L.A.P.D.???

Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Whole AEG-Thingey, February 27, 2010

The Whole AEG-Thingey, February 27, 2010

Trying to concentrate on the investigation at the core is hard enough with all the side road trips the press and the media keep throwing at us. Now we have the NAACP, despite thousands of letters, emails and feedback left on their web site, decided to go ahead and vote Michael Jackson’s FUNERAL/MEMORIAL as best variety show of 2009.

Variety show. Indeed, I can’t think of anything more entertaining than viewing a gold, flower-covered casket while the grieving and crying deceased’s daughter gives her eulogy. Maybe Paris should be up for the Grammy’s next year for her “performance”??? What a way to “Stand by Your Man”, NAACP! That is about as classy and sincere as Kenny Ortega’s tears while telling Michael’s fans that he “Wanted to do these concerts”.

Perhaps this organization should spend more time trying to raise funds by actually getting BEHIND Michael Jackson and demanding a thorough investigation into his death by the L.A.P.D., instead of joining the rest of the vultures making hay on his name.
A variety show. Michael, are you sorry your money went to this organization to pay for your own death award? There were so many other ways they could have honored Michael Jackson’s contributions to LIFE and the betterment of life for others. This is beyond sick.

My off-roading trip over, let’s get back to main road, where we left off with Dr. Murray and his connection to AEG.

By all accounts, Dr. Murray was Michael’s personal doctor. He did not become Michael’s personal doctor however, until the rehearsals for the concerts were under way. AEG “required” the doctor. AEG’s insurance company, Lloyd’s of London, required two physicals to insure Michael. Michael never made it to his second physical. He would have never passed it. They knew it.

From every source that I have seen, Michael chose the doctor, but AEG was paying the bill. Therefore, Dr. Murray was working for AEG.

What would AEG stand to gain from Michael’s death, with 50 sold out concerts to honor?

- LOL Insurance policy for $17.5 Million to be paid in case of death including drug overdose

- Production costs and Jackson expenses were between $25 - $30 million

- Michael came up with an idea to do one show, and telecasting it to theaters and stadiums around the world to relieve the stress of trying to accomplish 50 shows. Michael was turned down.

- AEG quickly goes into production mode after Michael’s death, to capitalize on the footage shot for “This is It” rehearsals, damage control with the press and releases the crew and performers had to sign with tight restrictions on what they could say to the press.

- AEG has thus far made over $250 million from “This is It” and $60 million in selling the movie rights to (ironically) Sony.

- AEG would have had to have gotten permission from the Jackson Estate to sell the movie rights to Sony . . . Since John Branca is the Executor of the Jackson estate. Guess who he also represents? That’s right . . . Sony. John McClain, the other attorney, is also a producer of “This is It.” Talk about your backroom, conflict of interest deals. They couldn’t be more in-your-face about this if they were in D.C.
You can read more about Randy Phillip’s snide comments at the bottom of the article by clicking here

Recently financial documents had indicated Jackson had $331 million in debt, assets at $567.6 million. The assets include Neverland (which reports years before valued at in excess of $120 million but sold a $35 million stake to Colony Capital in fall of 2008), his own music catalog, and his share of the Beatles catalog (which some unconfirmed reports Sunday claim that Jackson had borrowed against in recent years from Sony). The five page document allegedly claims Jackson at the time to have a mere $668,215 in cash on hand. AEG was paying Michael’s rent, medical, children’s tutors, his security and other expenses.

Both John Branca and John McCain owned a 5% stake in Sony music. This alone should have prompted a judge to boot both of them from controlling Michael’s estate.

Michael’s estate includes his own extensive music catalog, rights to the Beatles’ songs, and merchandising and licensing agreements estimated to be worth hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars.

Yes, murder has been committed for much less. Read more here:

I have two theories for why the LAPD and the D.A. have not gone after the charge of murder for Dr. Murray:

Either Murray is being protected and someone is being paid off or,

The investigation is still ongoing, since people around Michael are still being questioned and Murray is actually the fall guy.

Stay tuned tomorrow as we begin to dig into the mess that is Sony/Branca/Mattola.

Friday, February 26, 2010

MIchael's Battles not yet over..... February 26th, 2010

MIchael's Battles Just Begining . . .

. . . And it is those that are still here that have to fight for him since he can no longer do this for himself.

It is getting difficult to keep up with what needs to be done and still work full time. I am not getting much sleep, but it still needs to be done.

The last two days I have been focused on learning as much as I can about the battle between Michael and Sony Music as I feel this has much to do with his death.

I have finished the web page highlighting as much as I could get on there. I have this page also in the works on the site: .

I am very interested in SERIOUSLY organizing a Boycott of AEG and Sony, but more than that, I would like to see some actual good come out of all this.

I had outlined an idea on the web page but other artists need to contribute. We have too many artists that are burying their heads in the sand. This does not have to be.

Michael's battle with Sony was not just for himself but for the way other artists were treated as well. These companies own nothing. They make or create nothing. They make money off of the creations of others.

Artists being who they are, have more than enough imagination, creativity and brain power to organize and create their own artist-owned music promotion company. Artists should be able to control and own their own music that they created. They should be able to promote and perform on their own terms.

If there is going to be a boycott of Sony and other companies and labels who refuse to stand up to what Sony has done (And Sony is not the only company that does this to artists), Artists need to know that they do not have to be dependent on these entities.

Please visit the web site above and please send me your feedback. Michael's death should not be in vain . . . there is a reason for all of this. Everything needs to be exposed and brought out. We need your help . . . Michael's family needs your help and support.

This should not be allowed to happen ever again. Please send me your feedback on this idea. We are going to need the help of other artists as well if this is going to work. At the very least, we can publicize this and put pressure on these companies . . . let them know that WE KNOW what they did!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Michael Jackson and Dr. Conrad Murray - Feb. 22nd, 2010

Michael Jackson and Dr. Conrad Murray - Feb. 22nd, 2010

I thought from an investigation standpoint, I would report on the folks involved with Michael on the day he died, working backward from Michael and pulling back. We already know about Michael. The last person to see him alive was Dr. Conrad R. Murray. So who is he and how did he get involved in Michael?

Born Conrad Robert Murray on February 19, 1953, in St. Andrews, Grenada. His father is a Houston area Physician named Rawle Andrews and his mother, who spent most of Murray’s early childhood in Trinidad and Tobago looking for better paying work. Dr. Murray’s father was absent from his childhood and in fact never met his father until he was 25 years old.

Living with his grandparents until the age of seven, Murray was sent to live with his mother in Trinidad where he eventually became a citizen and attended school.
After high school Conrad Murray volunteered to teach school. He was also worked as a customs clerk and an insurance underwriter to pay for college. Murray paid for his university tuition in the united states by selling a house he bought at the age of 19 for a profit.

Conrad Murray graduated magna cum laude in just three years from pre-med at Texas Southern University. He obtained his medical degree from MeHarry Medical College in Nashville, Tennessee. He enrolled at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for additional medical training and completed his residency at Loma Linda University Medical Center in California. In 1999, Murray opened his own practice in Las Vegas. In 2006, Murray opened the Acres Homes Heart and Vascular institute in Houston, Texas.

Conrad Murray and Michael crossed paths also in 2006. This is where it becomes unclear just how Michael was introduced to Murray. One report has Michael calling the doctor to administer to one of his children, however, Murray is a cardiologist, not a general practitioner. Another report is that Michael’s father Joseph actually introduced the two since Michael’s father also lived in Vegas. Another version has Michael’s brother Jermaine introducing the two.

It is also unclear as to whether Michael hired Murray for the tour or AEG. AEG was paying Michael’s bills at the time, to include the $150,000 a month salary for Dr. Murray to be Michael’s personal physician.

The original timeline Murray gave for administering the medications that led to the death of Michael Jackson:

Early June 2009 — Murray, a physician with offices in Las Vegas and Houston, is hired by AEG Live to serve as Jackson's personal physician several weeks before the pop star's death, according to the Los Angeles Times. Jackson reportedly chose Murray, but AEG Live will pay his $150,000-a-month retainer.

June 22-23 — According to a police affidavit, Murray attempts to wean Jackson off propofol by giving him a combination of anti-anxiety drugs and sedatives, seemingly helping Jackson get some rest without the propofol.

June 25, 2009 — Jackson suffers cardiac arrest at his rented mansion in Holmby Hills, California. Murray reportedly tells police he found Jackson unresponsive and not breathing in Murray's bedroom and that CPR did not revive the singer. Jackson's death came after a typically fitful night of no sleep for the chronic insomniac, who relied on a cocktail of powerful sedatives to get to sleep.

He says he gave these medications at these times:

June 25, approx. 1:30 a.m.: Again leaving out the propofol, Murray gave Jackson a 10-milligram tablet of Valium.

2 a.m.: Unable to sleep, Jackson was injected with 2 milligrams of Ativan through an IV by Murray.

3 a.m.: With Jackson still awake, Murray gave the singer 2 milligrams of Versed through an IV.

5 a.m.: Jackson was still not asleep, at which point Murray gave him another 2 milligrams of Ativan through an IV.

7:30 a.m.: Murray administered the still restless Jackson another 2 milligrams of Versed in his IV. During this entire sequence, Murray reportedly told investigators, he was at Jackson's bedside monitoring him with a pulse oximeter connected to the singer's finger to measure his pulse and oxygen statistics.

10:40 a.m.: After repeated requests and demands from Jackson, Murray finally gave him 25 milligrams of propofol, diluted with the local anesthetic lidocaine through the IV drip to keep Jackson sedated. The lidocaine, which Jackson referred to as "anti-burn," is used to counter-act the typical burning sensation at the site of the propofol injection. Jackson finally went to sleep, and Murray told police he continued to monitor the pop star.

10:50 a.m.: Murray got up to go to the bathroom.

10:52 a.m.: Murray returned and noticed that Jackson was not breathing. The doctor began CPR and injected .2 milligrams of Anexate, a drug used to counteract the effects of sedative drugs. Murray called Jackson's personal assistant, Michael Amir Williams, on his cell phone for help and asked him to send security upstairs for an emergency. When no one came to assist, Murray went downstairs to the kitchen and asked the chef to send up Jackson's eldest son, Prince Michael, then returned to continue CPR.

11:18 a.m.: Murray made the first of three calls spanning 47 minutes on his personal cell phone, which last until 12:05 p.m.; he did not mention these calls to interviewing detectives, who uncovered them through a search of his phone records.

Approximately 12:22 p.m.: Security guard Alberto Alvarez called 911 on his cell phone. The affidavit suggests that nearly 82 minutes passed between the time Murray found Jackson not breathing and the time an ambulance was called.

12:22 p.m.: Los Angeles Fire Department rescue ambulance responded to an emergency call at Jackson's rented Holmby Hills, California, estate. Jackson was transported to UCLA Medical Center, along with Murray.

2:46 p.m.: Jackson was pronounced dead, and Murray refused to sign the death certificate.

In the proceeding days:

June 26, 2009 — Los Angeles Coroner's office officials defer a cause of death in the Jackson case, pending further forensic tests.

June 28, 2009 — Murray, whose car was impounded just days before as part of the probe into Jackson's death, meets with LAPD detectives for the second time, providing information to aid the death investigation.

June 30, 2009 — Coroner's office officials pay a second visit to Jackson's rented mansion to remove additional medical evidence from the residence.

July 2, 2009 — The Drug Enforcement Administration joins the investigation into Jackson's death, reportedly to look into Jackson's doctors and the singer's possible drug use prior to his death.

July 6, 2009 — The Times reports that three search warrants on physicians who treated Jackson have been executed by the LAPD as part of their homicide investigation.

July 22 — Police search Murray's Houston office as part of a manslaughter investigation into Jackson's death, taking away documents and images from a computer hard drive.

July 24, 2009 — Murray's spokesperson denies that he is a subject of a manslaughter investigation.

July 28, 2009 — Police serve a search warrant on Murray's Las Vegas home and office, carting away documents and evidence in their investigation. Among the items police seek in the searches are details about the many aliases Jackson allegedly used to obtain prescription medication.

August 11, 2009 — The Coroner's office completes its autopsy in the case, but puts the results on security hold in order to allow the LAPD to complete its criminal probe.

August 12, 2009 — Officials from the DEA, Las Vegas police and LAPD execute a search warrant on Las Vegas' Applied Pharmacy, in connection with the Jackson investigation. It is later revealed that Murray legally purchased propofol at the pharmacy.

August 18, 2009 — Murray releases a one-minute video statement in which he addresses fans, friends and family, thanking them for their support and saying that because of the intense scrutiny of the case, he is afraid to return phone calls and e-mails.

August 24, 2009 — Unsealed warrants from the Houston investigation reveal that Jackson had lethal levels of propofol in his system at the time of his death. Police rule the singer's death a homicide.

January 8, 2010 — The LAPD reportedly completes its investigation into Jackson's death and is said to be preparing its case against Murray.

February 2, 2010 — CNN reports that Murray is prepared to surrender to Los Angeles authorities in the Jackson case, if asked to do so.

Murray's lawyer has since stated that he 'gave the wrong timeline" to detectives and wants to amend his statements.

We will continue with Dr. Murray’s relationship with AEG and Randy Phillips on the next update of this blog.

What He Has Done To Me - Feb. 20th, 2009

What Has He Done to Me? – February 20, 2010

Yesterday was not a nice day for me. It started off just fine, I enjoyed myself at work with the boss’s wife and I singing to Michael Jackson songs while we worked on updating and integrating the databases. I work for the Shepherd’s Guide in advertising sales. Never did I dream I would ever be singing Michael Jackson songs with the owner of the company’s wife in a Christian based business.

Well all that Michael-ing at work must have been too much for me. I didn’t know how tightly wound I was until I came home, opened my email to see a link a friend sent me . . . Pictures of Michael and of his funeral program. I read each page my friend had scanned. I began crying but I finished reading each one.

When I finished I was hit emotionally with what each of these people lost . . . those that wrote their own Eulogies for Michael in this program . . . Latoya, the Cascios, Jackie, Rebbie. I cried so hard that my face grew hot and my sinuses completely closed up. I couldn’t stop.

I opened my own pictures I had saved and pulled up the latest photo I have of Michael and just looked at it. His face was looking straight into the camera, the eyes right at me. He was visible from the shoulders up, hair pulled back and wavy and mouth open in mid-song. This was a still shot from his “This is It” rehearsals. His eyelids looked heavy and were partially closed. He looked tired . . . no, he looked exhausted. He was not having a good time in this photo even though he was singing. Dressed in several shirts with open collars, you could see how thin he was; how pale and sallow he appeared. Several strands of hair hung over one eye as if to try to cover the worst of the pain and disappointment in his eyes.

I put my head down into my hands and sobbed. My shoulders shook with the strength of this as I tried to keep silent to avoid my husband overhearing me lose it. Good earth it’s been seven months and I still cannot move on. I looked up at the Michael on my computer screen. His face was swimming in front of me. I put my hand out and touched the computer screen . . . it was warm. I said to the computer screen “Michael, I am so sorry for everything you suffered down here. I hope you are okay now, wherever you are . . .” And then I couldn’t say anymore.

Just as I would think I was coming to the end of this emotional cleansing, the anguish seemed to renew and fresh, hot tears would pour over my cheeks. Huddled over my desk with sobs wracking my shoulders, a couple of small, audible sounds managed to escape. Nobody heard them but me. I was alone in my office in the basement.

The crying came in waves. I went to Karen Faye’s facebook page and tried to write to a couple of friends there what was happening. I know I’m not the only one that goes through this, but I will usually post it in hopes that whoever else is going through it will see my post and not be alone. And I just wanted to share this here, in case anyone else out there is experiencing this and needs to know that THEY are not alone either.

I am posting two updates at once on here because of the delay in getting the first one up.

Next update will start with the last person to see Michael alive . . . Dr. Conrad Murray and his background.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What he has taught me - February 16, 2010

What He Has Taught Me – February 16, 2010

The last eight months has left me most days deep in thought over just about everything. My friend was right. Most of us not only wanted to learn more about him . . . we wanted to learn how to be more LIKE him.

I have seen some things happen this week on the forums of some the most popular Michael support sites that have so disheartened me, I did not want to go back. I couldn’t believe it. After everything that happened, people were fighting, bickering, posturing, throwing blame. Seven months. I thought about that.

I wonder, after Christ died, if the bickering and jockeying for position in the new church started seven months after he was crucified? We can trace this behavior all the way back through Biblical times. We come together in sorrow, ask forgiveness, release our guilt and confess to one another, ask for understanding, become thankful that we know him . . . then we start with how well we knew him, the preverbal “shoving” for position begins, people start bickering about who knew what about him and how well they knew him, and who loves him more. Jealousy and pride begin kicking love and giving out of our hearts. Pretty soon, we are a splintered, bitter and discontent people again.

I wonder sometimes why Michael kept his distance from the press, if he wanted them to print the truth about him? It dawned on me, after another friend had brought this up, about that other story in the Bible . . . the one where the devil tries to tempt Christ. You don’t open your door to him.

We are all well aware that the press is not satisfied. The fact is, Michael did open his door many times, under tight parameters to try to set the record straight or put an end to the viciousness of the rumors. What happened? All one has to do is view the Bashir documentary to see how far that got Michael. Nothing would have been enough, even if Michael had let them camp out in his bedroom for a popcorn-throwing-fest. With anyone the more Michael gave, the more they thought they had a right to take.

Michael was not confrontational. He retreated to safety when adversity piled on and pile on it did. I remember reading several months back an old article in which one of his lawyers had tried to explain the situation in stark, Michael Jackson reality that he was currently fielding almost 1,000 lawsuits at the moment, most of them from people he had never met. This is what this man’s life was like. Everyone wanted a piece of him and if he didn’t comply, they sued.

There was no safety for Michael. Not even with the children he loved, as two of them he tried to help ended up destroying any trust he had even in them. After 2005, Michael was dying, and no one knew it. But you could see it in his eyes. Anyone close to him at that time had four years to do something. Imagine the guilt those people are feeling about now!

Michael taught me to pay attention to others . . . their feelings, their plight, their needs. He taught me what love was the way God originally intended it to be, before the world got ahold of it and corrupted it. Michael taught me that children are not only the hope God gives us that humanity will get it right, they are also the targets of those who want to corrupt and control. Children need to be protected and nurtured.

Michael taught me what Jesus meant by coming to him as children - completely trusting and not wanting of anything but love. Mchael taught me that words hurt, even when meant as a joke. That labels oppress. He taught me that love can be the object of jealousy so intense it destroys. He taught me how to forgive even the most heinous of betrayals and he taught me not to lose hope. Watching someone like him suffer what he did and still maintain that God is good . . . That is faith. He taught me how deficient I was in faith myself, when I thought it had been pretty good. I know Michael will get a very good seat in Heaven.

Michael was David in many ways . . . he was also Lot, Solomon and Paul. We have to remember him because forgetting him will darken the rest of our time on earth.

In the news today, Dr. Murray’s lawyer stated that Murray gave the detectives “the wrong timeline”. I am wondering how many he had written down? Who’s timeline did he give? How many people was that doctor planning to murder that day?

There was also a rumored report that Michael’s son, Prince would be called to testify against Dr. Murray, since there are reports that Prince was actually called to the bedroom while Dr. Murray was administering C.P.R.
Why put this poor child through something like that, after witnessing the Dr. breaking three of Michael’s ribs and sternum to resuscitate him? They are only going after a manslaughter conviction. They can get that on the simple fact that Murray was administering operating room medications at a private home without the necessary monitoring equipment, and without being qualified to do so. Why put Michael’s son through that?

The other thing that scares me is the possibility that this may be televised and made public, with Prince testifying. I sincerely hope the judge does NOT allow this to be televised.

And finally, to the Jackson family. I want you to remember that you have thousands of fans out here that have done a lot of research, both on the medical side, and on the background of the characters involved in Michael’s life. If you need ANY help at all. Just visit Karen’s or Firpo Carr’s page.

Those of you who read this blog who “don’t care” or think that no one else “should care” about Michael Jackson, “He’s dead . . . let him rest in peace . . .” This is not peace. Beware of apathy. We should not allow this to happen to another human being. If we cannot find it within ourselves to soften our hearts and take up banner for him, then we are guilty of being the shallow, superficial and selfish people that did this to him. Don’t let them win!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Loneliness kills - Febraury 14, 2010

Loneliness Can Kill – February 14, 2009

Today has been the day of epiphanies . . . It is a rare privilege to have them, but to have two in one day is a miracle. It has really helped me try to come to terms with all this.

Discussion with friends while getting through a mourning process is absolutely essential to . . . well, getting THROUGH it.

One of the forums that I became close to, I had asked the owner of that forum about things I had noticed concerning videos of Michael’s drug deposition. I asked in private message and asked him If I could talk openly about how I felt. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him. It was not a popular topic and instead of trying to figure out with me the discrepancy, I was ridiculed for finding it.

I removed myself from that person’s page and I couldn’t help but think, “is this how Michael would have reacted?” “Wouldn’t he have wanted to know the truth?”

Later that day, another friend sent me a link to a news article. It was not from a source of integrity, but it brought me crashing back to earth with the purpose in which I started this blog to begin with. The link to the article is here:

Paremedics Report

I read the article and it hit home just what the Jackson family is up against in seeing this doctor put behind bars. The article itself turns my stomach with the graphic description of the condition of Michael. You don’t want to believe that any human being could sit by and watch another human being die at their very own hands.

I don’t want to believe that a D.A. could be so callous as to disregard the evidence turned in several weeks ago before Murray’s arrest, proving that Michael was long dead before a paramedic was even called. Manslaughter? Don’t you believe it.

I don’t want to believe that another human being, who so loved people and tried so hard to live what he read in the Bible, could be so lonely that not even his family could get close enough to help him.

I don’t want to believe that the only friends Michael had, were those who were on his payroll. I don’t want to believe either, that the only friends Michael had, he felt he couldn’t trust because they had something to gain from having a piece of him.

The man who set records selling music, set standards in music video and set records in charitable giving also set records in loneliness. Loneliness kills. It deflates the will to live. How can someone be lonely when he was so loved all over the world?

How can a man who loved and trusted God, made organ transplants for orphans possible, visited children’s hospitals all around the world, supplied everyone he visited, prayed and sang his prayers to music and gave everything he had to give until he had nothing left . . . have been lonely?

It doesn’t seem possible that anyone who loved God as much as he did, could have been lonely, but he was. I got a taste of that today, when bringing up the possibility to one person that maybe he was still alive. Despite that his person said he knew Michael personally for ten years, he reacted to me the same way many people reacted to the Michael reported in the tabloids.

I have said before that this is not a normal place for me to be. I do not get wrapped up in celebrity and have never, ever taken a position on any celebrity in my life. It’s not my world. Why am I so drawn to this? Why Michael Jackson? Why do I even care what other people think about this man? Why do I feel so driven to defend him? Why am I offended when someone seems to have little interest in finding justice for his murder?

Another dear friend made it crystal clear to me in this simple and true statement:

“Our attraction may simply be in our own need to be like him, as Christians, and to give of ourselves, like he did.”

Our attraction to him, is that he was a kind and forgiving person. He was humble despite the extreme fame he suffered. He was able to remain childlike in a world that devours its own young. He had no fear of innocence and did not think it was a bad word. And he conducted himself when facing intense persecution as Christ would have conducted himself . . . He didn’t always succeed, but he is one of the few that walked the talk.

We are drawn to him out of love for who created us. He showed us that labels given to us by others do not determine who we are or what we accomplish . . . he is a walking testimony to that. We are drawn to him out of guilt of who we let ourselves become, and we struggle to get one last exposure to him to learn how to “get it right” before he fades from the news.

Stop fighting with each other. It doesn’t matter who knew him or who met him, who had more time with him. Just try to be the example he set. Remember him when you see someone who is lonely. You will know by the look in their eyes. Reach out to them. It's a blessing in disguise.

Remember It’s all about Love and don’t forget . . . And Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Prince's Birthday, Febrary 13, 2010

Today is Michael’s son’s birthday. Prince is 13 years old today. I have spent most of the day thinking about sons who have lost their fathers too soon. I think about all the children that Michael comforted that didn’t have either parent, was sick or dying from disease, didn’t have enough to eat or the necessary medical care.

I think about the boy who Michael brought emotionally through his fight with cancer, and the way that kindness was returned that sparked the beginning of the end. This is going to be an angry blog tonight.

There are so many things floating around regarding this whole saga around Michael’s death. I don’t want to say death. I don’t want to say passed. My new hated words in the English language:


A post I made about the drug depositions was deleted. It was not the first time that happened. It’s not unusual to censor questions you don’t want asked . . . politicians do it all the time when they pick and choose who gets clearance for the press conference and who doesn’t.

You tow the line, shut your mouth and say what they want you to say. It’s hard for me to sit there acting normal when every hair on the back of my neck is standing on end.

I will say this much . . . the “feel good” groups with Michael Jackson may help you feel better, but it’s not going to bring that man justice. If a person cannot stand up and say what is right without being censored or ostracized, then you know something in wrong in “feelgoodville”.

I have never met Michael and I feel the need to fight for him. I would think that those who met and knew him would feel an even stronger sense of purpose in that direction. I cannot understand why they would want to hide information.

Does Prince know that Dr. Murray was given better treatment for killing his father, then his father received for being Michael Jackson?

Does Prince have any idea how many people have completely taken advantage of his father, who has only tried to relieve pain and suffering for others?

Does Prince know that his father championed the children who were lonely, so they wouldn’t feel the extreme loneliness he felt himself himself? He wanted all children to feel loved.

Did Prince get to witness how his father brought out the child in everyone that met him for the first time? It was an amazing thing to see . . . even hard core rappers turned into shy children when meeting him.

Does Prince realize that on his father’s 13th birthday, he did not get cake or ice cream, no presents, and was most likely working . . . performing for others?

Is Prince going to realize what an incredible example of Christ-like behavior his father tried to teach others through example?

Dear Prince . . . Many others are experiencing your loss with you. In that way, your father made sure you were not alone. Not in pain or sorrow, not in fear or trepidation of the future. We all will miss the light he took out of this world with him. I am sorry he is not here for your birthday. And I wish we all could have done more to make sure he was before all the damage was done.

I wish that he could have been as protected as he made sure you and your sister and brother were.

I feel like a hypocrite saying “Happy” Birthday. How can it be happy? I will wish you a blessed birthday. May God watch over you and protect you.

Everyone who reads this blog . . . I need your help. I cannot do this myself. Is anyone interested in doing some research? I need to delegate some of this out so we can cover all bases. If you are interested, private message me on FaceBook!

Thank you!

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Drugs Story - February 11, 2010

The Drugs and Michael – February 11, 2010

Earlier in my research of Michael, I ran across a group of depositions while looking for more recent interviews. The pesky “Drug Depositions” that began circulating on YouTube right after the release of the “This is It” Trailers on the same video site. These depositions I bookmarked because there was something “sticky” about them for me.

I began noticing things about this particular deposition (you can view one of them here ), back in late July, when I found the first one. I began bookmarking these under a separate folder on my computer. In this particular video link above, which is identical to the one I bookmarked in July, it is supposedly a deposition taken in 2007. I have seen one “Insider” version where the deposition is during a lawsuit with Mark Schaffel, and another version which tells the lawsuit is with Dieter Wisner.

The first odd thing I noticed about this “deposition” was the blue screen background in the video. Michael is answering questions regarding prescription drugs from an off camera lawyer named “Howard King”. I have seen other depositions, like this one from a year before, and this one from 1997. None of them have the blue screen background.

Also, I noticed how Michael was dressed. His makeup, his hair and his clothing were perfect. The lighting was perfect. Michael was always at a certain angle and he didn’t stray far from it. I noticed on pausing the video, that the face of Michael was much like the face in 2009’s “This is It”. Michael did not look like he did in his numerous other 2007 pictures.

Because of the tabloid nature of these videos, and since they all showed up on YouTube at the same time like an explosion, I began to question these videos. They were designed to make it look like Michael Jackson was just like any other Hollywood junkie. However, as time went on, Investigations into his death seemed to stagnate and Murray’s declaration of Propofol use came into the news, questions of Michael being responsible for his own death began to settle to the ground.

Now that the autopsy is out, and all that was found in Michael’s system was the very drugs that Murray said he administered to him through I.V. and injection, claiming he was trying to get Michael to sleep.

Some people still perpetuate the story of the drug abuse . . . as if owning ANY medications at all indicates drug abuse.

Last night after commenting on the autopsy report (which has its own questions), I went back to my trusty bookmark for the 2007 Drug deposition. However, the bookmarked video on YouTube that I’ve had for the last six months is now gone. Instead what I saw across the top of the screen on YouTube in a little yellow bar:

This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by F. Marc Schaffel Productions LLC.

Marc Schaffel Productions? Isn’t Mark Schaffel one of the many disgruntled and dismissed of Michael Jackson’s previous business associates? Marc Schaffel sued Michael Jackson over a contract dispute in association with Michael’s “What More Can I Give”. Michael had let him go when he learned that Marc was a producer of gay porn and Marc did not tell him. But that is not even the issue. What bothered me was that a deposition is a legal proceeding. Depositions are not something you can “copyright” You cannot buy “rights” to depositions.

This had my head reeling! The videos were originally put out by “The Sun”. The “Insider” has also run a show depicting portions of this same deposition. So was this a deposition? Or was this a “production”?

I had suspected a couple of months ago that the 2007 “Drug Deposition” as it has been dubbed, could possibly have been filmed much later than the 2007 time frame it claims. Michael’s appearance, the tone of Michael’s voice, his hair, his facial features, the look of his hand and fingers in the video and his demeanor just did not give the appearance that this was an authentic deposition. I have gone back and forth on this, because I was not sold on any hoax theory either. Conspiracy?

I was angry. I posted what I found on a forum where we have been discussing all things Michael and brought this to a few people’s attention. I wanted feedback . . . answers . . . SOMETHING.

Just when I am sure my feet are back on solid ground, I know where I’m going and I’m sure Michael is resting in Heaven somewhere, I come across things like this. I have always said, if you want the truth, stick close to the source. That source here is Michael. All clues lie with him. You’re not going to get it through the media, you are not going to get it through anyone in the entertainment industry who is afraid to rock the boat, and you are not going to get it from anyone who’s friendship with Michael came with a paycheck.

There is so much shifting ground out there. I have never, ever seen so much deceit, smokescreens and cover ups outside of politics. This is Michael Jackson we’re talking about. His whole life has been filled with drama, why should his death be any different?

If someone were to write a book about this man and the complete turmoil that this whole story of his life has become, one would consider it unbelievable . . . yet they still buy those tabloids and watch those news and entertainment shows that made his life just that.

Michael . . . there is no truth out there for you. The people that say they care about you do not want to step up to the plate and take one on the nose for you to clear your name . . . even after everything you have done for them and everyone you came in contact with. I cry for you. Please show us how to get to the truth.

I surmise that Dr. Murray will walk. And he will walk either because he is not guilty (which I do not believe), or because he is being protected (which I DO believe, benefactor remains to be seen), or because people continue to drag out Michael’s long since treated addiction to prescription drugs, giving Murray the perfect defense.

I don’t know if it’s Michael that people love, or just the drama surrounding him. The trap is open and people are falling in. And they’re pulling Michael down with them . . . again.

More than one of Michael's friends have said they never saw any evidence of any drug use or abuse. The ones that do claim to have seen this are the very same ones out there selling interviews to the tabloids. Remember how Michael got into this mess in the first place. Do not believe everything you read, even on the forums.

Yes, Michael was a human being and he's made mistakes. He's made bad choices. But he was also a responsible father, and a faithful follower of Christ. His speeches are filled with pleas to love and protect children, be responsbile stewards of the earth the God gave us, spend time with your children.

When looking for the truth, the only one you should be listening to, is Michael.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Autopsy - February 10, 2010

Much like Michael’s dance moves, things move just as fast in the scandals after his death (unless you are talking about the investigation and the arrest of Murray).

There is a lot of anger about this and it has to do with justice and how hypocritical our justice system is, the media and the press are, and even people in the very industry that Michael fed so well.

The Autopsy report came out the same day Murray was charged. (surrendered?) I made the mistake of reading it. Trust me it was more than I ever wanted to, or thought I had a right to know. I was as torn as going to that link as I was about purchasing “This is It”. But for the same reason I bought the DVD, I read the entire report . . . There is so much misinformation out there, so many lies and sensationalism for the purpose of selling news, I wanted to get the information from the source BEFORE I saw the lies in print.

I also wanted to educate myself on the amount of the drug “propofol” that was in his system. It was upsetting and pretty eerie reading this information.

There were several notable things on the autopsy report that caught my attention. One of the more prominent and glaring things reminded me of the rumors that went around about Michael concerning his skin color. Vitiligo was confirmed in the report and judging by the areas described, he had little of his original color left on him. He still had darker patches on his face, parts of his arms, chest, etc.

They described the scaring on his face possibly related to the plastic surgeries. I was surprised that, with all the surgeries people speculated that he had over the years, the only scaring mentioned was one behind each ear and one on either side of his nose (nostril area). Other scars were identified on his shoulder, knee and on his abdomen (all rather small). I have more scars than Michael Jackson . . . at least on the outside.

The most upsetting read for me was the section where they described just how many I.V. catheters he had inserted and where. I do not see how anyone who was awake could endure this. And if he was asleep, what was the need to insert catheters to administer a drug to . . . put him to sleep? There were also numerous catheter and punctures where I.V’s were inserted near his wrist, knee, shoulder and other injection points on his arms, legs and ankle. If someone was dehydrated, numerous punctures could have been necessary to get an I.V. started.

Tattoos were also mentioned in the report, of a cosmetic nature, to hide thining hair, eyelashes and brows. Not out of the ordinary for someone who's living was made on stage and in the public's eye.

Another piece of information was his height and weight at the time of his death. The report stated that he was 5’ 9” and weighed 136 pounds. Curiously, his driver’s license states he is 5’ 9” and 120 pounds, his mug shot taken in 2005 states he is 5’ 11” and 120 pounds, and his fan web site states he is 5’ 10”. I have seen him in pictures standing next to people who’s height is not such a mystery and I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea how tall Michael was. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is weight wise, he was much healthier when he died, then he was in 2005, if his mug shot is correct.

If you have seen TII and Michael was 5' 9" tall, then 136 could not have possibly been his weight. He was way too thin. This leads to some other theories that for now, will be on a future blog. This information leads to question the accuracy of the autopsy report itself. Now the will is in question and the autopsy report.

There are still some hard-core hoax theorists out there that insist Michael Jackson is still alive. I have to admit I have gone back and forth on this myself. I wish more people that knew him would get involved and stop trying to lay low or worry about rocking the boat. We want this boat capsized! Give those who cared for this man some closure.

We still probably have close to a year to see justice being served, with the way things have gone thus far.

The propofol intoxication levels do not indicate an accidental death. Negligent is almost ridiculous. This smells like premeditated and I cannot believe the D.A. did not go after at least murder 2. There is more than enough evidence there. It is my understanding that they have not even questioned the security that was present at the time. Why not?

Who is the D.A. covering for? Who is promising him political contributions? Who is buying the outcome of this verdict?

Stay on these people and keep the pressure on them!

Contact for D.A.
District Attorney's Office
County of Los Angeles
210 West Temple Street, Suite 18000
Los Angeles, CA 90012-3210
Telephone (213) 974-3512Fax (213) 974-1484
TTY (800) 457-7778(8:30am - 5:00pm M-F)

L.A. Chief of Police William Bratton
100 West 1st Street Room
Los Angeles, CA 90012

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Torture Comes in Many Forms - Feb 5, 2010

The Media and Michael's Plight

Tonight, I expected to be surrounded by family, and talking about all the good times my grandfather made possible for me in my otherwise pretty dismal childhood. The snow storm has stranded everyone from getting here. My sister was turned back at the air port, the rest traveling by vehicle had to either sit home or pull up on hotels when they began closing interstates on the east coast.

As a result, I am alone in my office after a day of trying to catch up on sleep. I never get enough of it. I sleep for three or four hours at a time and I am up. I guess I should be thankful for that.

On my rare venture in front of the television, I catch Fox News Geraldo talking with a lady attorney about the Michael Jackson investigation. I was back and forth trying to clean up from a late dinner. My husband is the one that brought it to my attention and I took a break to sit down and watch.

I want to caution folks on the state of mind you could possibly fall into by getting so personally involved in the Michael Jackson story. My heart burns every day, my lungs feel like they are on fire. I vacilate between believing the complete and total cluster-you-know-what of this whole story leads nowhere but to the possibility that he is still alive (because how can this many people be this incompetent on the same case at the same time? Even if it is Michael Jackson we're talking about), to the fact that yes, he is really dead, and it is really not fair, and why can't justice be served?

I must lose Michael Jackson, over and over again, one hundred times a day. I am driving myself nuts. I try to approach this from a non-emotional, analytical truth seeker. But Michael being the man he was, I can not.

At this point, I have two sets of timelines . . . one for a murder and one for a faked death. That is what I have. It is impossible to serve two masters . . . that's what it says in the Bible. I have to pick one.

I have prayed to be led in the right direction. But at the same time, if he is alive, Do I really want to know about it? Because Michael would not want to be found. All I really want to know, is that justice for this man will finally happen, regardless of what his real fate is. Alive or dead, it does not diminish the pain Michael was in most of his life.

I am writing from the heart tonight, strait to this template. I have not even pre-written this on a Word document. I guess when it comes down to it, I just don't want him to be gone. I don't want him to be gone even though I think this world least deserves him out of all the Heavenly bodies out there. But when he was here, the world was a better place.

Maybe his purpose was to draw all that evil out of the woodwork, so we could identify and protect ourselves from it. Maybe it was to gather millions of people to duplicate the work that God sent Michael here to do. What I have the most trouble with is the need for him to have suffered the way he did.

I don't understand hate. I don't understand the need for people to be evil toward one another. It hurts and it goes much deeper and further than the person in which it is originally directed. The fact that this happened to one of the most loving and humble people we ever knew cuts that much deeper.

From Michael Jackson drilling down to Dr. Murray, Michael's other doctors, Kenny Ortega, Phillips and AEG, John Branca and Sony, Matolla, The LAPD and Tom Sneddon, Diane Dimond, The Arvizos and the Chandlers and ultimately the Media . . . everyone one of these should be included in the Timeline of Michael's death, because the crime began back in 2003, when the conspiracy to bring this man down began.

They killed a lonely man. I hope they are proud of themselves. And I hope they know they are not going to get away with it. Thanks to the very media that helped destroy him and the extreme interest in Michael Jackson's privacy, too many are now privy to what really happened. Too many want to see justice served. There is little window for escape for them.

Finally . . . in the hour of truth, perhaps they are now beginning to feel just a sliver of the fear, isolation, nightmares, loneliness and anquish that Michael has felt for the last five to seven years.

God forgive me for wishing that on anyone, but I will risk saying that I believe they deserve every bit of it and more.

There is going to be a protest at Murray's arraignment on Monday (if indeed it does happen this time). Karen Faye and Samantha DeGosson will be there. You can contact SoulCatharsis on twitter for more information.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

“This is It” Review – February 2, 2010

“This is It” Review – February 2, 2010

My fear and hesitation in watching Michael’s last “performace” for “This is It” was somehow overshadowed by the passing of my grandfather. I thought I would be more emotional because of the events of that week, but I was actually a lot calmer and could focus on the details I was looking for.

The DVD opens with a plug for Barack Obama for the first 15 minutes. The fact that I just realized I paid $16.00 for a political advertisement really set my teeth on edge. It didn’t matter what side of the political fence you are on, political propaganda should not be something I should be paying for. It would have fit Michael promoting children’s charities or relief efforts, even recycling would have been a more appropriate addition and would have complimented this video and Michael’s message perfectly.

During the opening introduction, a scrolling passage explaining the Movie and how the spliced together segments of rehearsal footage became a movie revealed that the film was originally going to be part of Michael’s personal collection. It also mentioned that the Jackson Estate gave permission for the release of “This is It”. For as quickly as this was put together, you would almost have to assume that the Jackson Estate and the Producers of “This is It” had close relations . . . Oh that’s right, they did! John Branca, one of the executors of the Jackson Estate is also a producer of “This is It” and employed by Sony.

I thought it was interesting that they included this piece of information with fans watching so intently. Even more curious is the fact that the Judge in California, on Joe Jackson’s appeal, refused to hear arguments on removing the current executors of Michael’s will due to conflict of interest. It is evident that conflict of interest exists. This movie just rubs it into your face.

Michael looks thinner in some scenes than he does in others. If this footage was filmed over a space of four months, I can see how that can happen, if Michael was in a deteriorating state of health. However, sources close to Michael have made mention that many of the scenes in which Michael is rehearsing were filmed the last week of his life.

There are segments in which Michael does not sound like Michael. His voice sounds lower, huskier and more nasal. His accent is different, but he is not slurring his words.

At no time did I see any evidence of any addiction to drugs. Michael did move slower, as most of us at the age of 50 would. But he was not off cue, he was engaged, his voice sounded very good. His dancing, while not the sharp and powerful movements of his concert days, he still knew how to move.

There was evidence of Michael’s extreme need for a healthy second helping of mashed potatoes and gravy with biscuits and roast beef and maybe some sleep. But there was nothing to convince me that this man had a drug problem. Just losing sleep at our ages can do a ton of damage to your body. For the lack of food and sleep this man seemed to have witnesses to, I think it was remarkable that got even this much usable footage to convince us that Michael was in good health.

There is one thing that I agree with in the promotion of this as a movie . . . this was definitely Michael as we had never seen him before.

Michael was nervous, funny, agitated, cute, fed up, coaching, encouraging to the others, frustrated at times yet always nice and considerate of anyone else’s feelings. Watching him rehearse and interact with others was charming and endearing.

The problems I had with this whole project is the way it was promoted and the speed in which it was produced and sent out to theaters and then DVD. This was definitely a cash grab. As much as I enjoyed watching Michael work behind the scenes of budding concert performance, it was evident to me that this was never going to come to fruition as a concert.

It is amazing to me that, if it is true that Michael’s idea to perform one concert and have it telecast to theaters and stadiums all over the world was turned down by AEG, that is exactly what happened, albeit in “rehearsal” form. Look at the money that has been made just from the release in theaters alone! Without the output of funds to produce a 50 concert project! Obviously, the idea would have worked tremendously, one has to ask, why did AEG turn down the idea when Michael suggested it? Didn’t they make a boatload of money on the rehearsal footage alone? DVD sales have not even been tallied yet. Wow.

The surrounding controversy, outside of AEG, Sony and “This is It” is enough to make your head spin. If there is any kind of addiction involved with this whole saga, it has more to do with Michael Jackson himself and MONEY, then with one artist and his plight to find one friend that didn’t receive a paycheck from him.

Michael was faithful to the point of mentioning God in just about every interview he ever gave. He loved children more than anything else in the world, he lived for them. His own children were his priority. Michael and drugs did not fit into this picture. Even prescription drugs. I cannot see this man putting his children in harm’s way, with everything he knew was surrounding him at the time.

Dr. Conrad Murray is still a doctor, despite the fact that he has been named and charged in a homicide case in where he was the attending physician at the time of Michael’s death. He was dispensing and prescribing medication in a state he was not licensed to do so. There is not even a medical board inquiry and the man is back to work at a clinic where he was previously employed. Tell me that Houston, Texas knows nothing about Michael Jackson’s death.

L.A.P.D. is dragging through this investigation and after over a month since announcing Murray was being charged, he still has not been arrested.

Judges overlook obvious conflicts of interest in one of the most controversial and high profile inheritances ever.

There is no official release of an autopsy, even after two were supposedly performed.
Prescription drug addiction propaganda appears all over YouTube the same day “This is It” release is announced. Is someone making up this story as they go? Or are people across numerous professions really this incompetent at the same time, on the same case?

There is the drama behind the ATV/Sony catalog that Michael is still half owner of. There is the interview with 60 Minutes in which an obviously frightened Michael mentions, but does not want to talk about, a conspiracy.

My husband believes the man is still alive somewhere. Even after watching “This is It”, he believes that Michael was just fed up. He mentioned a part of the book "Atlas Shrugged" where someone else had disappeared just as Michael said he wanted to do in Shmuley's interviews with him.

After seeing his children speak at the Grammy’s I cannot say without a shadow of a doubt, that Michael isn’t alive somewhere. There are more questions answered by the possibility of him being alive, than there are when following what has happened since his death.

I keep getting dragged back into the possibility of a faked death because there are more loose ends tied there, then there are with a murdered Michael.

I keep an opened mind and I continue to watch. I don’t doubt for one minute that Michael was more than deserving of an escape. I would love to believe that he accomplished that for himself. If anyone has the imagination to pull something like this off, he would be the one. It’s brilliant if that is what happened.

On the movie, “This is It” I have half a mind to break that DVD up into little pieces and send it to Kenny Ortega with a nasty little note: “Kenny . . . this is not it, and this is not over. I hope it was worth it to you. Because celebrating ‘The Man’ you had so little regard for over the almighty dollar did not go unnoticed by millions of Michael’s fans and admirers. Michael knows God will be your judge . . . and so do you."

Oddly enough, I am more at peace about Michael after viewing "This is It" then I was before I saw it. Other than an ocassional bout of frustration with a dancer or musician missing his cue, or ear plug troubles, he seemed tired, yet happy and there was a sense of finality to it all. Almost like Michael knew, This Was It. His goodbye . . . he was done. He did his job and now it was up to all those he taught the meaning of love to, to take over for him so he could rest.

There still remains the justice. There was still an obvious disregard for Michael's well being by those who profited most from him. There still remains justice for what the media and the press did to this man, and there still remains questions regarding a murder . . . attempted murder and Michael's song rights being rightfully placed with his family and/or children. Maybe a family intervention did take place after all?

So many questions still to be answered. Please keep writing your letters to the L.A.P.D., the press, K.O. and R.P.

Maybe we should have a "This is It" burning in front of AEG's headquarters?

Thoughts to consider.

Monday, February 1, 2010

February 1, 2010 - Signs

February 1, 2010 – Signs

I am sorry, but I had to take another break from getting my notes up here, to try to cope with another loss. Guidance was offered in a unique form, so please keep reading.

My grandfather passed away on January 31, 2010.

As a testimony to my church and just why it is important to find a body of the faithful that you can comfortably gather with, I have to tell you that if it was not for my church, I would not have been able to get down there to see my grandfather before he passed.

There is a reason other than worship that we are to gather in his name. The reasons are numerous, but one of the biggest reasons is to support and edify each other in times of adversity. This was one of those times.

My husband has been underemployed since the fall of the housing industry. He was unemployed for seven months before that. We had already gone through our savings and cashed out what little investment we had to keep bills paid. We have not been the only ones in our church that fell upon hard times. Through prayer and the pulling together of our church family, we and other families are getting through these times.

When I learned that my grandfather may not make it through this hospitalization, my husband moved Heaven and high water to try to help me find a way to make that 12 hour trip. Both our vehicles are over 12 years old and were not up to the trip. My husband’s mother was going to let me borrow her car to get down there, but we still had the issue of lodging and gas money.

During a phone conversation with a friend from church, we were discussing the Angel Food itinerary for that month. She and her husband were key in helping me bring my husband to the Lord and we have done Bible Study with them for the last four years. I gave her the news about my grandfather. She told me she would pray for me.
The next day, I received a phone call from my pastor. He told me that he and the deacons got together and had decided to gift me the funds to make that trip. Apparently my friend did a little more than pray for us.

Thursday, I took the truck out to Ed’s mother’s to pick up her car. Before I moved my packed things to her vehicle, she handed me a gift certificate for one of the area grocery stores, and a wrapped present. My sister in law was standing right next to me.

Ed’s mother said, “Now I want you to open this before you leave, because I want to see your face.” (I had no clue.)

I turned the gift over and felt it, “It feels like a book”, I said.

“It is” she replied. I began unwrapping it amidst complaints from my beloved sister-in-law, Theresa, to “just open it already, like I do . . . rip it!”

So I turned it over and ripped it. I was looking at the back cover of a large, hardback book. It was a black cover with white writing on the back . . . I didn’t read it. I turned it over to take the rest of the wrapping off of it.

Looking back at me was the Michael Jackson “The Man in the Mirror 1958 – 2009” Picture book tribute. My jaw dropped. I looked up at my mother-in-law after a couple seconds of shock.

“Who told you?!!!” I exclaimed. She smiled kind of slyly and pointed toward Theresa.
“Terry did.” She smiled, “We were walking through a store and she saw that book and told me you liked Michael Jackson”.

I looked at Theresa and said, “Thank you for tattling on me!” Unbelievable. She had been spying on my Facebook page and all the posts from everyone I know that defends this man. So I had my Bible AND Michael to read on the way down. I felt like I was being watched over. It was comforting.

I did a lot of praying on my trip down. When I crossed the border into Virginia on 81, I realized I would have to put gas in the car. I stopped at the “Flying J” and got something to eat and filled up the tank.

About forty minutes outside of Winchester, Virginia, I started seeing mountains on both sides of the road. I was in a little valley between the two ranges. As I drove, I spied a water tower of an unusual color.

It was painted a brownish-red. As I drew closer to it, I could see there were apples painted on it. It was a very pretty water tower. Then I noticed the name of the town it supported . . . “Mount. Jackson”. I had never noticed that before. I had only been that far down on I-81 one other time since my mother moved to Tennessee, and I had noticed the unusual water tower then, but never noticed the name of the town before. I smiled at the irony.

Probably the hardest day I had was the day before I was to come home. Saturday, my mother and I went into the hospital. Thankfully, the snow storm we endured Friday into Saturday did not dump the amounts they were calling for. We only had about four inches in our area . . . much less than the ten inches they were calling for.

While visiting my grandfather, who was asleep much of the time, we heard gospel singers down the hall from his room. My mother told me to motion for them to come closer. I exchanged glances with her. My grandfather was very weak. He was battling pneumonia and they had already aspirated his lungs and given him a blood transfusion because of a low hemoglobin count. He was conscious for seconds at a time.

I looked out into the hallway and the man playing the guitar looked over at me. One of the singers waved. I motioned for them to come to the room and as I did so, I suddenly had to hold onto the door frame. My knees lost the ability to support me and the tears started.

They continued singing as they walked over to me. There were four vocalists. Two were men and two were women. One of the men played the guitar. The one lady whispered to me “Do you want us to go into the room?” I shook my head yes. Then I whispered, “He’s not saved.” And I began to cry again.

The lady prayed with me, for Jesus to touch his heart, and for peace about that for me. I prayed so hard that I was squeezing my eyes tight enough to push them into the back of my head.

They played and sang a hymn “Are you Washed in the Blood”. I sang in my heart but I was too upset to sing out loud. I asked silently for Jesus to touch my grandfather’s shoulder just the way he did in my dream back when I was sixteen.
After the song, they smiled and left after I thanked them. I think my mother was taken aback a bit. She was not expecting an emotional outburst from me. I had been strong up until that point.

I remember standing there, holding onto the door frame. I felt warmth on my shoulder, right where it rounds down to the arm. It was a soft, slight pressure. I thought to myself, “I know you’re there . . . please go to him.”

We left shortly after that as it was getting late and it was still snowing. We stopped for a quick dinner at “Fatz” restaurant in Greenville before heading back to my mother’s house. While eating dinner a song came over the radio by the “Jackson Five”. Little Michael was singing “Baby, Give Me One More Chance”. I felt something, but I can’t describe what it was. Familiar. Comfortable. I smiled and pointed the song out to mom, “Do you know who that is?” She said no. I said, “Little Mikey.”

I left for home on Sunday, almost at noon on the dot. At about 4pm, I was passing the exits off of I-81 for Endless Caverns and Luray Caverns. I heard that same “Jackson Five” song again, “Oh Baby, Give Me One More Chance”. I smiled.

By 4:30 I saw that familiar, apple embossed water tower. I thought Mount Jackson would be a good place to stop to gas up and fill up (I was hungry).

Waiting in the Wendy’s, I heard the SAME “Jackson Five” song, “Give Me One More Chance”. I sat and ate, spoke to my husband on the cell phone to update him on where I was. He laughed when I told him the name of the town. I called my mother to tell her the roads were great and I was safe. Then I called my mother in law to let her know approximately when to expect me.

As I was leaving “Mount. Jackson” on I-81, “Man in the Mirror” came on my radio on the car, on the Christian Contemporary Station I was listening to. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing you are being watched over. That’s what it felt like. I heard more Michael Jackson music on this trip than I ever have in that same amount of time ever.

When I got home, my husband gave me the news. My grandfather didn’t make it. He passed away at just the time I was pulling off the highway in Mount. Jackson to feed the car and myself.

He left us peacefully. No struggling. The nurse had told my mother that he was breathing shallowly, but resting peacefully. My mother was on her way in to see him when he just left.

I know my grandfather was met by Jesus. I know because I feel it in my heart. Before I left the hospital on Saturday, and after the gospel singer left the room, I walked over and whispered one last time in his hear, “Grandpop? Grandpop? Jesus told me to tell you that I saw him. He wanted you to know that he loves you and wants you with him, so please say yes when he touches your shoulder.”

Just then my mother came in. I looked over my shoulder at him as I left that room. I just knew.