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Michael Jackson Justice: Michael, Teach Me To Play Chess YOUR WAY

God: Reconnect to Him

The Conspiracy against God is about "The Word", and the profaning of His Holy Name within us. Adam fell in the garden, breaking the direct connection to God. Jesus, the "last Adam" was a quickening Spirit, the Word made Flesh, and the only one with whom we can re-establish our relationship with God. Michael's story is still unfolding. He is the one who is, is not. But Jesus is the only name given under heaven by which we must be saved. Many are trying to rewrite HIStory. We were given a help to instruct us. Learn more "here".

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Michael, Teach Me To Play Chess YOUR WAY

The Shell Game and the Game of Chess
Chance versus Strategy

Thank you all so much for the prayers for my brother’s recovery. For those that don’t know, my brother broke his right Fibula, Tibia and shattered his ankle the day before Easter.  I’m afraid to call him as he went into the second surgery this morning and I’m not so sure if he’s recovering or still in surgery.  I think I will wait a bit to call him.  It’s a mess. Oddly it is this time last year that I fell on my deck outside the back of my house and messed up my right leg, and my brother just felt he had to out-do me!  And he still sounds like that blonde-headed little boy who could pout with those big, sad blue eyes and get free ice cream from the store.

[Update, he did NOT go into surgery today, his leg swelled up too bad because of his blood pressure – they didn’t give him his medicine last night so now they have to wait and see how it is tomorrow]

Because of some of the things I am reading in Karen Moriarty’s book, there are certain things messing with my head in regard to Michael’s family.  I spent last evening before I went to bed, re-reading old blog posts to try and reground myself.

The contradictions consist of things Michael has said against things that his family has said.  There was also this statement:

It was indisputably Michael who brought fame and fortune to his family.  They learned to depend upon it, to expect it, and to control him.  After all, he was the little one.  In family decision-making, his vote was overtaken by older brothers, whose votes were for their advancement . . . and before he was even old enough to be able to form aspirations of his own.” – K. Moriarty, Defending a King, pg 338 – 339

Then further down on that page . . .

He [Michael] was the income producer, the hope and dream for more and better, the pawn in the path of ambition and striving for a family that loved him, but also used him – Michael was a commodity as much as – and maybe more than – he was a son and brother.” Pg 339

As I am reading this I was also looking through images in Google for Matt Fiddes (a search term I was exploring) and I see Jermaine hugging Fiddes in this playful head lock.  I pull up the corresponding article and posted it in the comments of the Easter blog topic.

The fact that the visits between Tito and Jermaine (separate instances) both happened after the trial (2007 and 2008) and they promoted one of Matt Fiddes programs really got to me.  I thought to myself, “really?  They did not know?”

Then Line posted an article from 2010 where Miss Katherine condemned the actions of Fiddes when he tried to file suit against a British news show where he was claiming he was the biological father of Blanket.  So I asked myself, is it even possible, after the time that family spent together during the course of the raid, Michael’s arrest and investigative time between the end of 2003, through the end of the trial in 2005, that Michael’s family wouldn’t know who the enemies are?  Even in 2007?

If find this very hard to believe, because Latoya herself was held captive for ten years by Jack Gordon.  She spoke of mind control and drugging in a Dutch T.V. talk show.   Then during a taped fan session in which Latoya is talking about someone else being in the house the night Michael passed on, she calls her father “sweetie” – This is someone who wouldn’t even let them call him “dad”?

Maybe I should forget about Michael’s family.  Maybe I should just stick to Michael’s song lyrics, Biblical prophecy and what Michael has told people in interviews and depositions.  None of the Jackson family was accused of and put through the things that Michael was put through.  And if Joe Jackson really committed these crimes against Michael, then tell me why they didn’t go after Michael’s father?  Why?  Instead they go after the one abused?

Is this because Michael sang and talked about God and Joe talked about money and chased women?

Did the corruption of Joe Jackson start before or after the boys signed with Motown?  Or did this actually start in a Masonic lodge like the parents of several other abused children we’ve researched together?

Was the abuse Michael talked about more than once heightened by mind control and a sense of isolation from his family or was their substance to his fears?

When Michael’s children are appearing with Michael’s enemies at public “tributes” in which the estate is hawking their latest Michael project, Miss Katherine is the one called on the carpet about it . . . Not Joe.  The Estate won’t even let the family use their own brother’s or son’s name to talk about THEIR careers (and they did have one.  Michael would not have been Michael or have obtained the stardom he had without the brothers supporting him in their early careers).

“Who’s really behind that?  Who’s really behind the Cardiff tribute?” I asked myself.   Who’s really behind the David Gest garbage documentary.  Why did Tom Mesereau lending his face to promote a documentary in which Taraborrelli is again discussing his assumptions that Michael was asexual and a drug addict?  And why did Tom Mesereau suddenly jump on the interview bandwagon with leeches like Wagener, Mitchell and Morgan?  And why is he promoting a book by a fan that never met Michael, that is bashing Michael’s family?  Just how far does “hero” get carried?

How many times am I supposed to field these questions from people who don’t understand all these lies and contradictions?  How do I convince them that the actions of Michael’s family and helpers like Mr. Mesereau really are NOT to anger Michael’s real fans that honestly CARE about what is going on and about TRUTH?

In the Bible, and in the movie “Passion of the Christ” Pilot asks Jesus, “What is truth?”  Did Jesus say “ask the liars?” 

Not that I read.

There are times that I really do get sick and tired of all this.  I ask God, “What is this?  Is this really what you want us to endure ‘to the end’?  Is it that important for us to experience betrayal while trying to reach for the truth?  Is it NECESSARY to fling it so far from us that apathy suddenly becomes a more appealing coping mechanism?  Is this God’s test to weed out the people he doesn’t want?

Common sense (the kind they teach you in school to keep you in ‘the box’) tells me that I just wasted almost three years of my life.  I’ve wasted my life on a dead man whose family doesn’t even care to mark his grave; A man whose deliverers are no less inclined to build fame and fortune on his name then his enemies.

Then the other part of me is that three year old in the back seat of his mother’s car, insisting that Michael is “still alive . . . yes he is . . . he did NOT die . . . he can come back . . . only Michael Jackson . . . because he can transform.”

The part of me that wants to believe there is a point of all this and I spent the last almost three years proving it through lyrics and a Bible.  I wrestle with myself all the time.  ALL the time!

The information that is funneled to me through various sources and interviews and scripture and song lyrics and , and, and – Is it the bad side trying to derail me or is it a helper?  “Who’s on first”, “what’s on second” and “I don’t know” is on third heading for home!

I’m tired of hurting.  I’m tired of being kicked in the gut by the actions of Michael’s family, his ex-lawyer and my own doubts.  I’m tired of not being able to trust anybody and having to question the motives of everyone who ever sent a Facebook comment to anyone connected to the stalkers and the friends of the estate executors and Sony.

I’m tired of watching the evil get rewarded and the innocent get trampled.  Tired of it.  I would think God would be tired of it too . . . he’s watched it go on a lot longer then we have.  When is this Celestial game of chess going to end?  How many people have to be victimized before both sides of the board are satisfied?

This is what I struggled with over Easter break and my dreams reflected it (explains the mood I was in when posting comments and replies).

My dreams this weekend were filled with people.  Michael, his “Neverland”, carnival grounds (always the carnival ground and that stupid shell game) and symbols.  Thom Barrack was in one of my dreams, so I assume one of the carnivals was on Neverland property.  There was no rhyme or reason, no plot to the dreams.  I was just a spectator moving through various groupings of people on a carnival ground.  In another dream there were dogs running loose and I climbed a tree to get away from them.  The tree was also on Neverland property, but it wasn’t the giving tree.  It was a big oak.

In some dreams the atmosphere was one of pleasantness with a tinge of anticipation.  In other dreams the air was contaminated with apprehension.  In all the dreams (even the one with the dogs chasing me), I felt as though I was protected, but didn’t always like or understand what I was seeing.  Just more pieces of a puzzle I have to add to the one I am building on dreams I’ve recorded from the past.

So I went back to read some of my old blog posts.   This is where I could step back and look at the patterns again.

In my daily Bible reading, I am reading through John (the Gospel of).  During the Easter weekend, Diane had sent me an email talking about the movie “King of Kings” which we also have on DVD.  It’s a long movie, with a back story on Jesus that is not in the Bible, unless perhaps this comes out of the books of the Apocrypha (which I have not read all of yet, I haven’t even finished Enoch).

In “King of Kings”, the murderer Barabbas, who is released instead of Jesus, has more lines.  You learn that according to this movie, Barrabas’ first name is also “Jesus”.  And he’s basically a good guy, but a rebel and insurrectionist who leads a pack of rebel bandits (the first guerrilla warfare?) against the occupation of Rome in Palestine.  He is looking for the support of John the Baptist, who is preaching love and salvation, not war.  When he learns that Jesus will have more influence over the people of Jerusalem then John the Baptist (the Jews actually never accepted Jesus),  Barabbas then conspires to make it appear that Jesus supports his cause by getting his crew to “hang around” him.  (Would this be Biblical gang stalkers?  The first “groupie” or a Biblical “hanger-on” in a world in which media and the press did not yet exist but word-of-mouth did the most damage?)

My husband and I were watching this movie last night and it was very interesting, the parallels I saw in what the different gangs/groups/leaders were trying to do, to use Jesus’ power to their own advantage.

With the back story of “King of Kings” being for me unverifiable, I decided to check my Bible dictionary to see what it said about Barabbas.

The name means ‘son of the father’.  A murderer and insurrectionist held in Roman custody at the time of the trial of Jesus, (Mark 15:15).  All four Gospels record that when Pilate offered to release Jesus or Barabbas, the crowd demanded the release of Barabbas.  Pilate gave in to the demand, ordered Jesus crucified and set Barabbas free.  Nothing is known of his subsequent history.

The current critical text of the Greek NT (New Testament), following Origen, various ancient versions of the NT, and a number of Greek manuscripts, has Pilate calling him ‘Jesus Barabbas’ (Matt. 27:16-17).  The reading is not certain but is likely.   If it is correct, Pilate offered the crowd a choice between ‘Jesus Messiah’ (Jesus Christ) and ‘Jesus, son of the father’ (Jesus Barabbas).  See “Christ’ Christology’ Cross; Crucifixion. – Charles W. Draper” – Source, Holman, Illustrated Bible Dictionary, pg. 170

Isn’t THAT interesting?  And confusing?

For those of you who don’t know who “Origen” is, (I didn’t know how to explain it since I’m only vaguely familiar with the term “Origenist”), I looked up some info for you:

Origen excelled in multiple branches of theological scholarship, including textual criticism, biblical interpretation, philosophical theology, preaching, and spirituality. Some of his teachings, however, quickly became controversial. Notably, he frequently referred to his hypothesis of the pre-existence of souls. As in the beginning all intelligent beings were united to God . . .” – Source, Patrides, C. A. (October–December 1967). "The salvation of Satan". Journal of the History of Ideas 28 (4): 467–478. doi:10.2307/2708524. JSTOR 2708524. reprinted in Patrides, C. A. (1982) [1967]. "'A principle of infinite love': The salvation of Satan". Premises and motifs in Renaissance literature. Princeton, New Jersey: Princeton University Press. JSTOR 2708524.

(Michael’s “We are all one?” - I will come back to this another time.)

In the other Bible Dictionary I have, it says the same thing, minus the detail from Greek texts about Pilate calling Barabbas “Jesus, son of the Father”.

When looking up the references “Christ’ Christology” in the same Holman reference (pg 284), I found this:

’Christ’ is English for the Greek word ‘Christos’, ‘anointed one’.  The Hebrew word is Mashiach, Messiah (the title of Christ).

Reading further along on page 285, I found this description of Jesus, the Christ:

Since God’s redemption involved a suffering Messiah, Jesus took a reserved attitude to the title ‘Christ’.  When Jesus confessed, ‘You are the Messiah’, Jesus’ response was guarded. . . not identifying with a political Messianic idea.

It further stated that Jesus did admit to being ‘The Messiah’ when accused before the Sandhedrin, but was more cautious before Pilate.  This also caught my attention, still on page 285:

Jesus was sentenced on a false charge of being a political messianic claimant and rival to Rome (Mark 15:26-32). – pg 285.

This brought up of course, the false charges of a more recent court case we know, and the games of the establishment to get Michael to adhere to their political views and agenda.

Back the email that Diane sent me, she told me that when watching this same movie, she heard Judas Iscariot (the character) tell Caiaphas (leader of the Pharisees) while conspiring on how to take Jesus into custody, that Judas said, “Barabbas and Jesus are the left and the right arm of the same source.”

I don’t remember hearing this in the movie we watched (we’ve seen it before) but we are going to watch the second half tonight to see if we can catch that.  I don’t remember them saying that before.  Ed thought the movie had a “new age” slant to it, but I’m not committed to that opinion yet.

Here is what is bugging me.  If they quoted Judas Iscariot as saying that “Barabbas and Jesus are the left and the right arm of the same source” (or something to that effect), and Jesus is the Son of God and Barabbas is the “son of the Father”, what does this mean?

One of the verses posted on the previous couple of blog articles.

Previous blog

This was an example Jesus gave his disciples, an outline of praising God and acknowledging his glory, giving thanks, asking for provision, asking forgiveness then power over temptation.  The Book of Matthew covers more detail on this as Jesus instructs:

“1. Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.  2.Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.  3. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: Matthew chapter 6:

Left hand – right hand King of Kings movie and the definition of “Barabbas”.  But then we also have this -

Latoya at 2:35
“We’re all concentrating on this right hand.
We’re not paying attention to what the left
Hand is doing.”

The she continues “In court, we were presented with the right hand.  It was the LEFT HAND that was instrumental in getting rid of my brother.”

Who was in court?

Kenny Ortega, Randy Phillips, Kai Chase, Alan Metzger, Paul Gongaware . . . pretty much everyone that AEG hired for the production and to take care of Michael.

The “right hand” who was “instrumental in getting rid of “Michael”?   Maybe this is a clue:

“Kenny Ortega was in the Dr. Murray trial. What did you make of what he said? Did you think he was telling the truth?

The people from Sony, the MJ estate and Karen Faye were not in the Murray trial.”

What “Sony” person was at the trial?  Anyone?

Branca was not there.  None of the estate executors where there (Branca saw him seven days before he passed and supposedly was hired back and he had no input?  Not a worthy witness?)

John McClain – the invisible man was not there.

Karen Faye was not there.

Michael Bush was not there

None of the stalker fans were called in either.

Michael’s “other” doctor, the one with all the Demoral injections billed to Michael was not there.  His RECORDS were, but not the doctor himself.

And his oh-so-close spiritual advisor (as though he needed one) June Gatling not called to the stand?  Wonder why?

No Sony people testified at that trial.

Nobody that pointed fingers at AEG . . . not one person who took part in the TINI campaign and did the most squawking on Facebook and on Twitter about Michael’s “deplorable” health condition were called to testify.  So much for their valued testimony.

Kenny Ortega (it’s not clear really who hired him) recited an email he sent to Mr. Phillips, Gongaware and DiLeo never, ever mentioned Michael’s name . . . only that of “the artist”.  Pretty impersonal for someone whom he called “an angel walking the planet.”

So if the left hand was presented at the trial, which was representatives of AEG (on the prosecution side), and the right hand was instrumental in getting rid of Latoya’s brother, then the right hand is the Sony representatives and employees who were not there in court.

Latoya also made reference in both the above video of the fan tribute in L.A. on November 20th AND during the trial when questioned by Jane Vasquez-Mitchell to the “Illusionist” and that “it’s like an illusion, please watch the Illusionist”.

In the movie “The Illusionist”, the main character says to his “fans” below in the street under threat of arrest “everything you have seen is an Illusion”.

Some of us out here trying to “reach for the truth” wonder just what of the events of the last three years (or four, five, six, seven???) are included in this Illusion.

The Michael Jackson who returned from abroad at the end of 2006 was a different man from the Michael Jackson who had departed the United States in 2005 after his acquittal” – K. Moriarty, Defending a King, 2011, pg 72

The man who suffered through a trial in 2005 was Michael Joe Jackson.  The man who existed on documents in 2009, the death certificate, the autopsy report, the Murray trial documentation was Michael JOSEPH Jackson.

The two blue links above are clickable.  Refresh with those blogs I wrote last summer and I will continue with this tomorrow.

God Bless you, and if you can stand it . . . hang tight.

But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul."

******To Michael*****

I read again your penchant for getting to know people by rummaging through their cabinets and drawers.  Since you can’t be at my house to see what I have in mine, I will tell you.  It’s a small, cozy house so it shouldn’t take too long.

Since my children no longer live with me (Waaaaah!) I have two spare bedrooms that get used when we have relatives stay.  Most people come in our back door because of the walkway that leads to the deck, flanked by two Palmetto trees.  They like that I guess.  I like any tree or plant that is exotic.

When you walk in the back door, you come through a small laundry room. In those cabinets I have spare towels for the guest bathroom, laundry supplies in the left cabinet, and a utility closet to the right. 

Come through the laundry and you cross a short hallway to hit the guest bathroom.  It is decorated in Mauve, green and white stripes on the walls. The mirror has no cabinet behind it.  Under the vanity sink is guest soaps, moisturizers and samples from hotel travels when my husband was still working sales, and bath toiletries.  To the far right of that same cabinet is extra toilet paper rolls.  I am occasionally disorganized on my desk, but my bathrooms and kitchens are spotless.  I like stuff to shine.

The closets in the two guest rooms house extra bed linens and comforters, some extra storage for my husband’s horticulture and landscaping books, and in the larger guest bedroom I keep my Christmas accents and wrapping paper.  Oh . . . and some of my clothes (I switch summer-winter and winter-summer  to the master bedroom so my husband has closet room).

The next room with closets/cabinets is the Kitchen.  Dishes, utensils, pots and pans, broilers, small appliances fill the cabinets in the kitchen. There is also a small pantry where I keep canned goods, canning supplies, juices and the rubbish.

The small dining area has a sliding glass door to the deck.  The table is centered between a china cabinet with hutch and a buffet.  I keep table linens and extra special silver ware in the Buffet and special china in the china cabinet.  There are also knick-knacks and I have shiny, puffy red hearts hanging from the handles of the china hutch doors.

The living room is open to the dining room separated by a half wall or accent wall.  I have a two end tables with compartments beneath and a coffee table that looks like a Truscan vase with glass over the top.  I love that table.  It’s obnoxious.  We keep copies of Israel magazines under there and an occasional rifle magazine.

There are built in book shelves that flank either side of the entertainment center.  The left if filled with Bibles (different translations and study Bibles), Bible Dictionaries, concordances and other Biblical reference material (charts, maps, genealogy charts, etc…).  On the right is History, from both false and true sources.

Underneath both sides are magazines pertaining to the subjects of that side.  We don’t have a big library but we have plenty to reference. 

My office area is off  the living room. Ed’s is in the small guest bedroom.  All the art, woodworking, home construction and botanical/horticulture is in Ed’s office.

The fine art stuff and the UNFUN stuff like bills, correspondence, household management etc…. and of course Michael research is at my desk and the four small filing cabinets I have that cordon off the office from the living room.

Master bedroom.  I have clothes in my drawers.  No, I’m not telling you what size.  Guess.   There are three dressers in our bedroom, two with mirrors.  One is an antique.  Ed has clothes in his Chest of Drawers and the other dresser is where I keep extra bed clothes, and stuff I just haven’t unpacked yet (yes, still).  Some are smaller pictures that used to hang on our bedroom wall at our old house in Maryland.

We have a long, walk-in closet that has built in shelves.  Clothes hanging and “stuff” lines the walls underneath the clothes racks.  This is our extra storage. Everything from wall clocks to luggage lines the floor underneath those racks.   The shelf on top has more luggage, handled burlap bags, beach bags, a couple of lamps and I forget what else (husband is sleeping, can’t check).  We also have a five drawer, wire mesh basket storage that we keep all our towels and washcloths in.  The built in shelves are split between my shoes and his shoes.

Masterbath – This you might find interesting mining.  There is a long counter with his and hers sinks and a huge mirror with globe lighting.  Its bright enough to make my eyes water when I’m trying to apply makeup.  Under that counter there is a set of three drawers in the middle with under-sink cabinet doors on either side of those drawers.  My husband has the top and the bottom drawer, I have the middle drawer.  But I also have the cabinets in the built in vanity/dressing table and that is filled with all kinds of foo-foo, perfumes, cosmetics that I hardly ever use.  Everything I do use is in a little black travel bag and when I get bored with the colors, I just change it out with the cosmetics languishing in the cabinets, waiting their turn to get used.  Since I rarely go out, I don’t make up that often.  Just enough that my husband can see my eyes.

We also have an open shelf with carved hearts in it that holds things needed for the shower, and various “extra” shampoos and soaps.

You want to go on a scavenger hunt, the best place to be is the garage. We have boxes from the move we haven’t even opened yet.  Shelves and shelves of wood-working tools, auto mechanic tools, everyday house tools, two antique wall telephones, antique ceramic top table and other antiques.  More canning jars, BIG wood working tools like a lathe, circular saws, band saw, a riding mower, lawn tools both power and manual, tons of shovels, rakes and picks, hand garden tools, two refrigerators (one being used, other is the landlord’s we are storing for him) and boxes and boxes of books, nature guides, wall hangings and pictures we can’t fit in this house, older toys and stuffed animals, indoor water fountains and outdoor decorations, seeders, lots and lots of sample moulding and millwork, chair rail that my husband used to sell, large tool boxes, wrought iron outdoor light fixtures with leaded glass (from his uncle’s house in Gloucester) and other family trimmings and keepsakes.

We have a shed in the back part of our back yard that has more lawn tools, an old hammock that needs put up (maybe) and a bigger riding mower that needs a new engine – we think, a tiller and weed eaters/trimmers.

The back yard is pretty big, about an acre and the garden is in the back part of it.  We have a trampoline and a swing set that was here when we moved in.  The trampoline is safe but the swing set looks a little too rusted for me to trust children on it.   We have the deck and the perimeter of the house lined with Azaleas, Liriope,  Rhododendron, Arborvitae, Heller’s Holly and Silver King Euonymus.  We also have Crape Myrtle, Dogwood, Live Oak, Ponderosa Pine and Magnolia trees on the property.

That’s what is in our yard, garage and drawers/cabinets.  So hope you enjoyed. :o)  You don’t ever have to worry about me going through drawers or cabinets at your house.  I wouldn’t have the guts.  But any shelf with a book on it would be hard for me to resist.

The only baby picture I have
I'm on  the right, sister is on the left
I am four years old here.


  1. Hi Bonnie. I can't believe my eyes. Why did you do that? I was raised not to snoop around, open other peoples cabinets and stuff. I don't like people who does that. And now I have done it for the first time in my life. In your house.

    I keep on referring to songs all the time on your blog it seems like. This song reminds me of that and this other song reminds me of …… blah, blah, blah. Why am I doing that? Anyway today's song, ( hee hee, sorry ), goes along well with your blog today, I think. I don't know if it does but it started to play in my head when I read your blog today. Here it goes

    Is this world out of control
    Say what is right what is wrong
    Do I know this world at all
    I think I do but then I don't
    I'm confused by what I see
    I try to understand but it makes no sense at all
    I'm confused by what I feel
    I thought that our love was something that is real

    Does anyone know
    The truth we're looking for Can't find it anymore
    Does anyone know
    How to make me feel for something that is real

    So many things that I recall
    When we we're young just flying high
    Can we turn our fate at all
    I wish we could say don't you cry
    I'm confused by what I hear
    Girl it seems to me we're losing after all
    I'm confused by what I feel
    I thought that our love was something that is real

    Does anyone know ………

    Another day has just begun
    Life goes on there's no return

    Does anyone know ……


    1. Hi Susanne,

      Aren't the Scorpions an '80's "hair band"? That's another song that you can read either way. Almost sounds like one of Michael's lyrics doesn't it?

      You know, you could have closed your eyes when you got the the part where I wrote "To Michael", LOL! So now you know. I forgot to tell Michael that I have hand fulls of pictures scattered in different drawers throughout the house, and the contents of the entertainment center include lots of home movies of my own kids, their birthday parties, Christmases and just funny moments (like the time my older son thought wolves were coming out of the woods behind our house and it was turkeys).

      Man I miss their little-ness. :o(((

  2. Oh yes, that struggle and fight between Common Sense
    and 3 y.o. child, I absolutely can relate!
    Must admit, my Common Sense/Pessimist/Skeptic/Realist/Adult
    wins big time these days. And I hate that, but that's how it
    is. I'm so so tired of confusion, of things I can't
    explain, do not understand, frustrating things, almost
    ready to ask Michael to let me go, but then I realize
    I love him so much I just can't, and it's not him holding
    me, it's me refusing to let him go. Well, at least maybe
    some day I'll learn about what really happened to him and
    why, that'll be enough. Problem is I start to doubt anyone
    knows for sure what happened to him. Those who know are
    neck-deep in fake papers and false statements (or are dead),
    no way they will ever tell the truth. Not even on their deathbeds.

    LOL, drawers, just recently watched MJ Home Movies (50th time?)
    where they mention that habit of his, he was so curious.
    I am curious myself, but trying to behave, while he
    couldn't help himself, such a kid. I won't let him near
    my drawers, he would get wrong impression :P but guess he
    would be fascinated by amount of assorted stuff I got
    there LOL. 2/3 of which I won't be able to explain as
    I don't even remember when and where I got what, and why.
    "Wow, had no idea I have this! What is it BTW?"

    About bigger things - we've had enough. I, you know, pray
    for it to be over soon. For some major change, honestly
    don't understand why things go the way they do, when it
    all could be changed within a second. Why all the suffering
    and greed and injustice and confusion, it's endless vicious
    circle, and the older I get the tougher it is to "enjoy
    the experience". Can't see "brighter tomorrow", and I look everywhere.

    The other day turned TV on to face The Illusionist again.
    All of a sudden, as always. Wish they aired something else,
    no need to cheep my 3 y.o. self up. After all, it could
    be Evil on both sides of our Illusion, and the "Duchess" is
    still dead.

    1. Anonymous -

      I just want to quote what you said here:

      "I'm so so tired of confusion, of things I can't
      explain, do not understand, frustrating things, almost
      ready to ask Michael to let me go, but then I realize
      I love him so much I just can't, and it's not him holding
      me, it's me refusing to let him go."

      In the dream I had where I was holding onto Michael and wouldn't let him go (even though he was clawing my hands and my sides and acting like a wildman). I am wondering sometimes if the dream meant he wanted me to let him go OR . . . if I should listen to the song "Don't Let Go" (of my hand).

      I guess I get frustrated with Michael's family and his true friends downplaying this whole event and covering up what is really going on. They do leave clues out there and they do communicate with us in their own ways but it is so frustrating. I let people's confusion get to me and so many people try to help and unwittingly (or not) send me off on wild goose chases. I believe MOST don't try to do that. It's exhausting but it gets to the point where even a source that has a clue also has info to mislead people and I don't want to post it because of that.

      Something about Michael makes me giggle at the thought of him being caught rummaging through my cabinets. When I was a kid, I wouldn't ever, ever touch anything that did not belong to me, even though I wanted to. I would have gotten my hands cracked. And if I was a little kid and I was sitting in a room with Michael as a kid doing that, I would have been "gasp!!!! Don't! We're gonna get killed!" LOL

      It is hard to stay encouraged when we see this all going around us. The ONLY thing that can sustain us is God. I'm trying to find the words to explain why we go through this and I guess I have to just wait for them to come.

      I wonder how many people out there never knew they would ever love Michael like this? And I wonder if he feels it from where he is, without the stage and the crowds in the arenas to materialize the emotion?

  3. Hello Bonnie. I have just read your comment on your previous blog. Please believe i am not promoting any blog or person. I just truly do not understand what is going on. Raffles does have a connection somewhere as he was there for MJs 45th birthday party. According to Karen Faye, he also spoke at the private funeral at Forest Lawn. She said this on twitter a few weeks ago.
    I just dont understand. Forgive me if i am being blind to a trick. I trust you to sort these kind of things in my head.
    So the blog is a fraud and the photos shopped? Why would someone do such a thing? Are you of the opinion Raffles is being set up?
    I know you said you would not entertain this.... but i genuinely dont understand and i hope you can pass your knowledge and wisdom onto me, in terms of what is going on.
    Also.. i am not from USA and some of the terms you use i am not familiar with. You say we are being "zoomed" by this. What does "zoomed" mean?
    I hope you choose to converse with me over this. I truly do not understand what is happening. I am so tired since 2009. So many people have done so much talking and it is difficult to keep up - its almost like i have brain fuzz over it all and i cannot see the agendas and tricks anymore.
    You did refer to Raffles a few blogs back and said you had information that you were choosing not to share at the moment, but you were suspicious of him? (i think, or words to that effect) I hope you can share your opinions soon so as to take the confusion from my mind.
    I hope you are well and you take this comment as it is. I give this conversation with love and in the spirit of Michael.
    Only the truth can set us free.
    Blessings to you and i hope you enjoyed Easter. x

    1. Hi Monika,

      I know and I was not trying to blame anyone. I believe most people that send me info like that are genuinely being helpful. That's why I said I didn't want anyone to take it personally. I know you were not trying to promote the blog and Miss P, I have yet to answer her email, I want to let her know too that Its not any one person in particular. I actually got a lot of links about that from people.

      I laughed at your question about Raffles being set up. I don't think Raffles is even a real person. I think he is as made up as Kuba Ka. Raffles was with TINI and did their interviews for them even though he claims not to have worked for them. He's like the Pearl Jr's and Taaj Maliks out there. Phony personalities, characters playing a role to distract people with bullcrap story lines designed specifically to pull your attention away from the core cause of the problems - throwing stones to hide their hands so to speak.

      The photo shop on some of the pictures is so obvious . . . bad. Some of the other photos are better done but you can always tell by the difference in the composition, quality of the images (from one person to the other) the angle of t he lighting and shadows on the faces, etc . . . You can't fake that stuff. You can improve the image, but when one person's head is clearer, notably larger and the angle of the shadows is opposite the person they are "posing" with, you know. They did the same thing with those wedding pics that the Arvizos supposedly attended.

      The video of him at Michael's birthday tribute was also interesting. He was never there. They faked that the same way they faked video in TII. I covered that all before.

      Zoomed - old slang term for being hoodwinked, bamboozled, deceived, gamed, played for a sucker, manipulated etc....

      Monika, this has been going on for almost three years. This is how they wear people down. You are not alone, I fall prey to this stuff too, to the point that it ruins my whole outlook for the day and it reflects in my blog and comments. These people don't care, so I instead turn to the people who KNOW what is going on but CAN'T say anything and I get mad at them for letting it go on. (Like Michael's family).

      What is going on with Raffles is not the truth and I didn't want to give it the attention other than maybe this opportunity to explain to people that THEY are not done playing yet. I wish God would put them all in the corner in time out. :o)

      Thank you for not thinking I was attacking you or anyone else that wanted answers. The ONLY reason I didn't post your comment was because of the link. People can always search it out if they are that interested. I find it funny that these people are still trying to nail Tohme. He didn't do anything, LOL!

  4. Hi Bonnie - These 2 living little dolls, know who I mean ;o) with such beautiful hair, faces & lovely little dresses...Aaaaawwwww ! Grace to your wonderful description, I navigated into your house like a kid discovering all its treasures : it must be a real cozy home (I remember your windows) with such an enchanting garden, but above all a house with souls, yours & your husband♥ If Michael is anywhere alive, at his place I would pack & rush to your place to restore soul & health :o) Thank you for sharing with us this part of your personal life which you seem to be rightfully attached to.

    About all the contradictions said by various wellknown individuals above, I understand your anger but Michael is/was a precious man so you did never waste your time on him. Michael is just the ONLY ONE who could really tell the truth on the disturbing details of his childhood, family & life circumstances we still miss, but where is he ? The Jacksons probably cover up a lot either for their own protection &/or privacy. I'm just a bit tired of "illusionist" guessing game stories which upset Michael's defenders more than they bring any clue to the Truth & Justice IMO. Katherine Jackson has hired the reputable lawyer Brian Panish with an impressive track record of winning trials so I still maintain (little) hope this next September trial brings us nearer to the truth, whichever it is in the end. But grace to your Blog, we anyhow learnt that a huge web of Sony & other evil background controls in showbiz, government, religion, justice, medecine & media, down to the smallest miserable leech acolyte (even to this day), priorily sabotaged Michael's life & this was no "illusion". Only Michael's spirit & light, they can never take away from us.

    1. Awww line . . . living dolls, that's funny. People at stores and place my parents took us used to call us mannequins because we were so quiet and still and didn't move unless mom said move. My hair looks fake in that picture, LOL! It's bigger than my head! I always had thick hair. My sister's was more fine. She looks like a doll. I don't know what I look like. I have other angles shot of that day. My mother made the smocks we wore and my then uncle Kurt took the pictures. THAT MAN ended up shot to death in a Houston hotel room . . . mob/drugs. He was married to one of my dad's sisters until I was about eight. I was twenty years old when he was killed and my cousin, his daughter was only sixteen. I don't remember much about him other than his nails seemed to always be tinged pink or peach. like they were stained with marker. I do remember he and my dad's brother coming over to shoot our laying hens that as a six year old, I considered my pets. I didn't like him.

      Putting THAT memory away and back to Michael's family - I have to say that despite the confusion I love them. I was watching them on Matt Lauer, an interview shortly after Michael's passing. All four of them were being interviewed about Michael's passing and their "Jackson Dynasty" reality show. I think I just fell in love with Marlon. His joking manner reminds me of my brother Michael . . . and HIS brother Michael. Jackie, who's eyes we rarely get to see, he seems to harbor the same pain I saw in his Jackson 5 pictures. There is pain there. Tito seems to be the most detached, even if that is not fair to really say but he has a warmth/realness about him. And Jermaine kept trying to hit Matt with that scarf. Made me laugh.

      I think Micheline had sent me that video but I'm glad she did, because you really do have to watch them for clues, but not just that. When you watch them, there is just none of the stuff in their (how do I describe this) their COUNTENANCE? Nothing there that resembles a family that puts money over relationship. They might have their little brotherly quarrels, misunderstandings and yes, even a taking advantage of here and there (a family with 6 boys you are going to have more than one Alpha-male attitude), but they are warm and they are real.

      I will probably still get mad at them from time to time, but geeze, I do feel them and maybe that's why.

  5. That's OK Bonnie, the Jacksons have their family issues & secrets like any other family & I NEVER disliked any of them, on the contrary : they only happen to live in the Hollywood Mecca. We also have to accept that they get on with their life & career the best they can. As to Michael, what aghasts me is that I repeat myself like an old cukoo-clock with the same recurring issues because of the ongoing & unresolved incoherence around Michael's circumstances in June 2009.

    Little dolls : Yes, pretty little dolls. Do not depreciate yourself, Bonnie, or are you fishing for compliments ? :o) you & your sister were pretty little girls & became beautiful women : that's it ! But I am sorry this pic also reminded you not so good memories. Life & adults should never be crual to children & among others, kill animals in front of them : "shooting laying hens you considered as pets" ...Grrrr !

    Hope your own brother Michael recovers well & fast from his next surgery.

    Good Evening to you.

    1. I never disliked any of them either. Frustrated though? Yes I am and it seems as soon as I do, I learn something, which is why there is no new blog up tonight. Been researching my little heart out.

      Michael is something else. Reading more of the Moriarty book and I'm still not liking the deception in the book, but there are other things too that will be discussed later. Little hidden gems. Michael's mind . . . I want to read it so bad, and we know what parts of it say. But I feel like the more I read the Bible, the better I know Michael, God, Christ and myself and he whole history of humanity. Now I know what they meant in church when they said "thirst" for the Word. I can't put it down! Everything is in there, how could we have been so stupid?

      Thank you very much for the compliment. I've seen your baby picture (and still have it on my computer) and know how cute you are. We know who your "babe-ness" came from!

      I had good memories about that time, like trying to teach my baby sister NOT to smash the fireflies when she was trying to catch them, and making a lumberman PROMISE my five year old self that he would not cut down any trees with squirrels living in them. I still remember the look on his face. My sister and I singing and dancing at the Green Lantern in Lancaster when we were tots. Our only payment was the tips the waitresses would donate to the jukebox so we could have music to sing and dance too. Other things . . . I was such a day-dreaming child.

      Michael still has not had his surgery. The edema in his leg is too bad (swelling), but the break on the one bone is not as bad as they thought. They may send him home tomorrow with the contraption on his leg and do the surgery next week. He's on meds for his edema and blood pressure now.

      God bless you, Line ♥♥♥

  6. Hi Bonnie,
    I agree with everything you have written in this blog entry.
    By Michael's 'other' doctor I guess you mean Dr. Arnold Klein, I don't trust Dr. Klein. Do you know if he is still on Facebook?
    Does it worry you that Kenny Ortega is in the "Kabbalah" cult? (same cult Madonna is in and Elizabeth Taylor was in). Kenny Ortega might be part of the Illuminati? It seems Kenny is successful in Hollywood.
    I thought it was interesting you said:
    "And why did Tom Mesereau suddenly jump on the interview bandwagon with leeches like Wagener, Mitchell and Morgan? And why is he promoting a book by a fan that never met Michael, that is bashing Michael’s family?"
    I don't trust 'Tom Mesereau' at all. I believe he maybe part of the Illuminati. What is the fan book called that Tom Mesereau promotes?
    Who are Mitchell and Morgan?
    I'm now starting to think again about MJ's 2005 trial and the hero Tom Mesereau isn't looking like such a hero anymore.

    1. Really? LOL! I don't even agree with everything I wrote. I have a big mouth just sharing frustration on this blog. Just want truth and God is making me get back up off my butt and go get it. It's not going to be handed to me. (huffs).

      Yes, sorry, I did mean Dr. Klein. I don't know if he is still on Facebook. I would assume he is. He might be private now, who knows. Not even sure what if anything came of his medical board review.

      Well, it would worry me about Ortega if I knew for sure he was involved in Kabbalah. I have never found a good source of any info like that, so until I do, I won't let it worry me.

      Lots of people were involved in things and got out too. But here is what gives me hope about Kenny. He's been very scarce lately, since 2010. He's either really working hard, or he's in hiding.

      Jane Vallez-Michell (HLN) and Piers Morgan are two people that previously have interviewed Tom.

      I also do not have any proof or source for Tom Mesereau being a part of the Illuminati. Personally, I think Tom is an angel, but for what side? No one would ever believe he was part of the machine because he saved Michael from jail and probably death . . . unless the trial was not what it seemed and Tom was just another actor.

      Without the truth our brains could go all over the place on this. There are several things about Tom that keep me from placing him on the enemies side of the chess board. But there are inconsistencies and I can't NOT point them out just because Tom is involved with them.

      There is a lot of stuff being hidden and covered over with all this drama and yes, it ticks me off royally.

      It's really hard to maintain your faith and a child-like outlook and stay wise to the treachery at the same time.

      God bless you and thank you for your comment. Keep your eyes open. :o)

  7. Hi Bonnie. Don't you think people exaggerating when they call Tom Meserue A HERO? Any laywer could have had won that case, because there wasn't any case to begin with. Was there? I guess that's why the other laywer Brian Oxman was sleeping in court. Tom Meserue said it himself, it was a case full of holes.

    1. Susanne, honestly I don't think any of us will know the answer to that question until all this is said and done. I do believe that we will ALL learn the truth and at that time we will know. What surprises me is that no attempt to bring charges against Sneddon was made before the statute of limitations had run out. I definitely believe Mr. Mesereau could have won that case . . . but could Michael have stomached another drawn out case? Probably not at that time. Well God will take care of Sneddon and when he does, Sneddon will probably wish for an American jail cell.

      No there wasn't a case. But that doesn't mean that any of the clowns Michael had as lawyers BEFORE Mr. Mesereau took the case would have done Michael any favors. You see how they handled the 1993 case.

      I can't judge that man. I can only ask questions so we can pick our way to the truth.

  8. Hi Bonnie. I start to believe that all of the contradictions that's been put out in the world since MJ died was made deliberately to cover up the truth. And if we got to know the truth about what happened to MJ our jaws would drop to the floor.

    1. You are absolutely right about that.

  9. Hi Bonnie. I think you and your sister look like twins. You are cute and all but the picture reminds me of a horror movie. Like you told Line, you look like mannequins. I don't watch horror movies cause they mess up my mind and I'm like scared weeks afterwards. But when you are young you go through that horror movie stage. You are afraid to watch it and you don't want to but at the same time you are curious. Then you end up with nightmares, afraid of the dark and don't have the guts to take a shower. Because people often get killed taking a shower in horror movies.
    I don't remember the name of the movie. But a little boy is cycling around in a hotel corridor. Suddenly two cute little girls appears in front of him in cute dresses. And they are acting like mannequins, unreal and scary. And blood starts to pour out on the floor. The boy have a ability to see dead people. Very scary movie at the time.

    1. ROFLMBO!!!!!

      Susanne, there are times when I wish I could fly over there and bring you home! I don't think my childhood was QUITE that bad, but the next time I run through my childhood, I will get a different make up artist, LOL!!!

    2. SUSANNE you said to Bonnie :
      " You are cute and all but the picture reminds me of a horror movie."

      & in a recent Blog about Bonnie's brother apnae :
      "Sleep apnea is a serious matter. It read somewhere that it makes your life shorter if you don't do anything about it.
      Your tounge falls back into your throut and you stop breathing or something like that, right?"

      Not badly intended but it seems you visualize morbidity in many areas, even in a children's pic : it's your right anyway but expressing it to Bonnie : ideal to raise someone's spirits :o(( For my part I found the pic very cute otherwise I would have said nothing. If someone came to you & said casually that your own pic "reminds of a horror movie" & on your brother's apnae : "Your tongue falls back into your throat and you stop breathing" how would you take it frankly as you already worry for your sibling ? For now I don't know if I better burst out laughing of the whole thing : if Bonnie is OK with it, then OK with me :o[

    3. LINE
      You make me wear Michael's moccasins on this blog don't you. I always get attacked by you and you misunderstand and take everything I say the wrong way. Should I have told Bonnie that sleep apnea is a great and wonderful thing or what? I gave her truth and facts about sleep apnea. What's wrong with that? And I think she already knew all there is to know about sleep apnea before I opened my mouth about it. And her brother was safe at a hospital. And I said that Bonnie and her sister were CUTE and I also said that the two little girls in the horror movie were CUTE. What's your problem? Did Jesus tell you to treat me bad? I don't think so, because Jesus loves me even if you apperently don't. Why are you attacking and criticize me negatively all the time? I'm sick of it. I'm done.

    4. Uh-oh . . . timeout, timeout, timeout . . .

      Susanne, please don't be mad at Line. She is not the only one that has misunderstood you at times, I have done the same thing. You may not be aware of the way some of your writing comes across. It took a couple of times of me getting mad at you myself for me to see that you sometimes say things tongue in cheek - and Line is only trying to shield me from remarks I may find hurtful.

      Line, I certainly didn't take what Susanne said any other way but jokingly, but I am still glad you are here to help us see the other side of they way things can be perceived. I love you both, Line for her common sense and truth and Susanne for her youth and comic relief. ♥♥♥

    5. Hee-HeeeH ! Susanne, your outbursts do not work with me, you play the victim after you vex people (with onl candid intent?) & when one tells your fact, you are the offended victim of people who "dislike" you : that is YOUR problem ! If Bonnie did not dare telling you this time, I told you & will not withdraw an inch of what I said ! That being said, NO I have nothing against your person, I even find you amusing & like your comments many times & felt very bad when I thought you left. BUT some of your "comic relief" you addressed either to Bonnie or myself in the past, you may keep it for yourself ! .... & I'm OK, I live well & happy but feel free enough to express myself whenever needed !

    6. (Bonnie is patting Line on the back), Line, I agree with you. I was just hoping for a softer conclusion. Thank you for taking the bull by the horns. I know where your heart is.♥

      Susanne, sometimes your comments are very abrasive. Line has spoken in favor of mending fences before when I was angry with you, so please try to see value in other people's feelings before commenting and I will try to do the same.

  10. Anonymous -

    What are you afraid of? Don't worry. I'm researching. I AM defending the family. I'm just not sure what they are okay with me exploring and what questions to try to find answers to. And yes, I still love Michael . . . very much. I'm sure wherever he is, he knows how much.

  11. and at the end of the trial that was broadcast under a fake California seal(used for television and movies) we have a doctor charged with ALLEGEDLY killing Michael JOSEPH Jackson
    Craziness in leaps and bounds

    1. Anonymous,

      I agree with you. But Murray I feel was taken into custody for more than just the murder of Michael. And the trial was for as much to get information out as it was to mete justice, which is still in progress.

      P.S. Murray is not guilty of murder.

      Order out of Chaos . . . The Illuminati is not the only entity that knows that game. He's onto her game and she'll get played the same.


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