Please enable JavaScript in your browser preferences and then Reload this page!!!

Michael Jackson Justice: When All Our Dreams Are Broken, Remember...

God: Reconnect to Him

The Conspiracy against God is about "The Word", and the profaning of His Holy Name within us. Adam fell in the garden, breaking the direct connection to God. Jesus, the "last Adam" was a quickening Spirit, the Word made Flesh, and the only one with whom we can re-establish our relationship with God. Michael's story is still unfolding. He is the one who is, is not. But Jesus is the only name given under heaven by which we must be saved. Many are trying to rewrite HIStory. We were given a help to instruct us. Learn more "here".

Monday, March 18, 2013

When All Our Dreams Are Broken, Remember...

The Second One to Carry Me

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:”

"For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God."

Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise

She was still wiping tears when she pulled back up into her driveway after a week of being away.  The words were coming to her head so fast there was no time to write them down, and she wanted to . . . everything she felt.  Everything she wanted to say to her. 

It started on the drive back home about two hours into the drive.  She heard a song on her CD as she began seeing signs for Spartanburg on route 26.  It was one of those moments when you remember the song, which cleaves to that moment and sears itself into your DNA like a branding iron.

She remembered the words her mother said to her over the phone when she gave her every reason why she couldn’t get up there on such short notice.  Those words?

“Lynn, I’m scared.”

She knew then she was going.  She didn’t want to, but she knew she had to.  If that is where she was supposed to be, God would work out a way for her to get there.  And He did.  How the message came in the form of an article about the contamination of medication being used in the type of treatment Lynn’s own doctor discussed as one of the possible treatment options.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see her.  She did.  But she was a little resentful that she had to cancel her own medical appointments when she had two other siblings.  Lynn was always the one that was called.  She had been living with the neck pain for well over a month, finally got an appointment and an approval from her insurance for the MRI.  As soon as Lynn walked in the door from the review, her mother’s call was the first on the answering machine – “call me.  It’s important.”

So she called her.  And she told her Lynn needed to come out there because she just learned they scheduled her surgery.  Ironic that it should be for the SAME DAY as Lynn’s hard wait for the MRI.

Lynn asked her to change the date. Her mother said she couldn’t.  But she assumed Lynn could just cancel her test and her follow up appointment.  Lynn wasn’t even sure she could make the four and a half hour trip.  None of their cars were under 12 years old.

When her husband came home that day, she was in a fit.  Why?  Why did it have to be the SAME DAY? Why this? Why that?  It was in one big long complain rant.

Lynn called her back later that day, and told her mother she was coming but she did complain about it.  That was when her mother finally admitted, “I’m scared”.

Lynn knew that there was a possibility of cancer and her mom had told Lynn that her doctor had said, “It didn’t look good”.

Lynn had been out there back in November, the week before Thanksgiving to care for her when she injured her eye.  She knew what she would be facing this time and she tried to shrug it off.

Thinking back now about the visit, she just shook her head.  All she wanted to do was turn around and go get her and bring her mother home with her.

As the song played on in the car, Lynn thought for a minute how the roles had been reversed.  The word “alone” came to her head.  She remembered accusing her mother of ending up alone during one of their past battles.  The song lyrics “all my dreams are broken, I don’t know where we’re going” was a cry to God and Lynn thought, how many people feel like this?

Leaving Dreams in the dust
For God to pick up and put together where
We’re going

Lynn grew up without her father for most of her childhood.  She was the oldest and when mom had to go out to work to keep house and food in her three children’s lives, Lynn was the one who was surrogate.

In Lynn’s many prayers to the Lord, she recalled not knowing how to classify or name how she felt.  All Lynn ever really wanted was to feel like someone was taking care of her for a change.  And now, the one who first held her after God gave her spirit the body of a newborn baby girl, needed taken care of.

In retrospect, Lynn had many complaints about her childhood.  But her mother’s was no better.  She may have not had to guess where her next meal was coming from, but her mother never really had someone to make her feel like she was wanted . . . needed.  The resulting tough shell was the side Lynn saw of her.  Her mother was strong.  She never needed anybody, would never admit she needed anybody and if she could raise three kids by herself and still be the primary bread winner, even when she remarried, she didn’t need anyone.

Lynn’s mom was now an elderly woman.  She lost the father of her children to another woman.  She lost her second husband to cancer when he was only 43, just as her children were flying the coop.  She had been alone ever since.

Lynn’s mom, in her middle 50’s went back to school for an art degree and in the process learned she wanted to teach art.  She substituted as she completed her bachelor’s and her Master’s.  Then she watched doors get slammed in her face left and right when age and political affiliation was no longer considered a discrimination.

She plowed on toward her Doctorate degree and between three schools, she still had not accomplished that.  She had run out of money and according to the establishment, she was too old to hire.

She had her dog, her two cats, two horses she rescued after their owners were taken out by a spring tornado a few years back, and she had a couple of friends that called when they were lonely.  But approaching her seventies, she still had no one to take care of her. 

So Lynn, in tears, tried driving the way home, already knowing what she was going to do.

She wanted to write something to her mom.  Something close to what the song expressed but from a personal level.

She wanted to find a way to tell her mom that there is not one person on the face of this earth who’s approval is more important than God’s.  Even Jesus was rejected by his own people.

She wanted to tell her mom that God also knows pain, and loss.  He lost Adam to the Serpent.  He felt every bit of pain as that same corruption spread like a sickness through His children, His animals and His earth.  But even God was holding out for something better.

God sent His son and watched in agony as the Word made flesh paid for the decisions of every one of his sons from Adam to the end of time.  He watched as His son called out in pain and abandonment, crying out why He had forsaken him.

She wanted to tell her mom that of every accomplishment that fell on deaf ears, God was laying up in Heaven her new home, full of light and warmth and happiness.

God built us with his own language, His Word.  And can look inside and read us like a book any time He wants.  He sees our future as if it were our past.

Lynn thought as she drove home, the struggles she went through in understanding God, and how it had so much changed her.  It is not easy looking upon the things you thought were important, have God open your eyes, and lose friends because He showed you what was REALLY important, and they didn’t understand it.

Everything her mother had throughout her house, while treasures and evidence of her work to her, was to God a veil between she and He, like in Mark:

"Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me."

In their conversation while Lynn was there, her mother had told her that she had prayed for direction and prayed for God to tell her where he wants her.  Lynn immediately thought of all the times that things didn’t work out for her, and the times she flung herself in the couch in heated tears, asking God why she was even here.  She remembered how the answers came about.

But how could she tell her mom?  That what we want so bad that we work ourselves out of our own health is the one thing that kept us from hearing God telling us where he wants us?

If there was one thing Lynn could tell her mother, is that through it all, every bit of it, good and bad, God knows her.  And no matter what, if she doesn’t hear God when he tries to tell her something, he will put her in a place where she will.  Because He wants her to know that she is taken care of.  And sooner or later, she will hear him, and know how much He loves her.  And no amount of glory from men will compare to that.

Lynn sat in the driveway when she pulled up to her house, drying her tears.  She realized that this whole trip was not only to answer her mother’s prayers.  But it also taught Lynn the very thing she wanted her mother to know.  That God finds a way to show us what we lack.  And that if we move self out of the way long enough to listen, God can fill us with Him.

If she could get her mom to understand that this life, was nothing compared to where we once were with God.  Nothing.  And the one that first carried her, was not her mom, but Jesus, who was with God in the beginning, the word made flesh, and that mom was the second one to carry her, in this life.  Mom, she wanted to tell her, you were once taken care of, held first by the one who held me first.  What happens between that time, and the time we are back home with Him, will tell him how much we remember that we love Him, and can love each other the same way.

At that moment, Lynn just wanted to hold her mom and give her back the memory of being held the way she should have been when she was a little girl.  Just long enough to tell her that she is only the second one to carry her.  That the last to carry her is also the first. The Alpha and Omega.

Later that night Lynn was answering emails and she saw a message from one of the blogs she read regularly.  It said simply:

“crying during prayer”

That was it.  Just that.  No name, anonymously posted.

Lynn smiled . . . “No way”, she said to herself.  “I gotta call mom . . .”

Castles they may crumble
And dreams may not come true
But you were never all alone
‘Cause I will always
Always love you
In His Arms

"And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me."

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.